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Ol’ Virtual Bastard: The Wu-Tang Clan and N.W.A. will headline this year’s Rock the Bells hip-hop tour—complete with appearances by dead members of each group. Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Eazy-E will both “perform” with their fellow rappers by hologram when the tour stops at RFK Stadium Sept. 28 and 29. ODB’s widow Icelene Jones isn’t that into the idea; she’s reportedly sent a cease-and-desist letter to the tour’s organizers. You’d think a sworn affidavit that Wolf Blitzer won’t be involved should smooth things over. -2
Ocean City, D.C.: This weekend marks the unofficial start to the summer, and with it, the first of many hours District residents will spend stuck in traffic on U.S. 50. That traffic is only likely to get worse: New data from real estate website Trulia shows a lot of inquiries from the D.C. area this month and last month into buying vacation homes in Ocean City, Md., and Bethany Beach and Dewey Beach, Del. Sequestered feds day-dreaming their furloughs away? Or the latest sign of a taxpayer-funded Boomtown? +1
Just Married: Time for another installment of Arbitrary Rankings and Meaningless Statistics! In today’s edition, Rent.com has named the District one of the nation’s top 10 cities for newlyweds, citing opportunities for romance like…political events. Indeed, who hasn’t gotten it on while listening to the erotic drone of lawmakers congratulating each other for sponsoring legislation that isn’t going to pass? +1
Sunken, Not Stirred: The sinkhole that has snarled traffic downtown and captivated D.C. social media feeds all week is still around, and crews will continue to work on it through the weekend, even as other construction projects take a holiday break. That this still passes for news is the surest sign that it’s time to get out of the office. Happy Memorial Day! -1
Yesterday’s Needle rating: 31 Today’s score: -1 Friday bonus: +2 Memorial Day bonus: +2 Today’s Needle rating: 34