Red Sauced: La Tagliatella, an Italian-style (but Poland-based) chain of pasta restaurants, opened a location in Arlington recently—-and Washington Post restaurant critic Tom Sietsema says its eggplant calzone “does a great impression of a mummy,” its minestrone seems to only contain peas and croutons, and its decor is “as over-the-top as Liberace.” More zingers follow! So epic is this rare Sietsema roast, only one thing comes out ahead in the end: Olive Garden. +2

The Gripe of Brian: In an interview with Roll Call, Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer declined to discuss a potential run for the U.S. Senate, saying he prefers his home state’s Georgetown Lake to D.C.’s Georgetown. Of the District, he said: “That place sucks … Come on, I don’t want that smell on me. … I’m where everyone wishes they could be.” Asked to respond, Georgetown resident and Washington City Paper staffer Ally Schweitzer (no relation) said, “I would say that M Street definitely sucks hard. Q Street’s the shit.” +1

Tropical Storm for Life: Tropical Storm Barry is expected to hit southern Mexico tomorrow. In related news, on July 17, the U Street Movie Series at 14th and V streets NW will screen the HBO documentary The Nine Lives of Marion Barry. +2

D.C.’s Bronze Age: D.C. still lacks a vote in Congress, but at least it now has a statue there. Today a bronze figure of Frederick Douglass was finally unveiled in the U.S. Capitol’s Emancipation Hall following a decade-long battle. At the ceremony, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid reiterated his support for D.C. statehood. Any day now, we’re sure… +2

Yesterday’s Needle rating: 24 Today’s score: +7 Today’s Needle rating: 31