Despite our proximity to the Washington Post newsroom (about four blocks away) and our similar names, Washington City Paper was unable to legally get into Jeff Bezos‘ much-anticipated pep rally with his new staff.

But like all good pseudo-media reporters, I was glued to Twitter the entire time and have summed up the gist of what went down Wednesday afternoon. City Paper also obtained audio clips of some of the meeting, which you can listen to below:

[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2013/09/1-Bezos.mp3 |titles=Bezos]
[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2013/09/2-Bezos.mp3 |titles=Bezos 2]
[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2013/09/3-Bezos.mp3 |titles=Bezos 3]
[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2013/09/4-Bezos.mp3 |titles=Bezos 4]
[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2013/09/5-Bezos.mp3 |titles=Bezos 5]
[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk/files/2013/09/6-Bezos.mp3 |titles=Bezos 6]

Bezos was really excited to be there. He warned of the dangers of glorifying the Post’s past and said the paper needs to “remain forever young.” If it simply ages along with its customers, it will go the way of Woolworth’s.

“Death knell of any org is to glorify the past”

— ErikWemple (@ErikWemple) September 4, 2013

“If your custom base ages along with you, then you’re Woolworth’s.” #bezospalooza

— Clinton Yates (@clintonyates) September 4, 2013

The tech entrepreneur apparently had trouble holding his microphone.

Do I raise my hand and tell Bezos how to properly hold a microphone? No? Okay.

— Dan Zak (@MrDanZak) September 4, 2013

Bezos gained what seemed like a momentary increase in Twitter attention when he referenced the Post‘s “Dancing Bear” package, saying that light content is okay, but it needs to be part of a broader package.

“I guess at some point we had a video of a dancing bear?” #bezoswithoutcontext — Jessica Goldstein (@jessicagolds) September 4, 2013

JB references our infamous “dancing bear” vid package. Says lite stuff ok, but needs to be part of a broader package — ErikWemple (@ErikWemple) September 4, 2013

Bob Woodward came in with the hard-hitting question, asking Bezos when and why he decided to purchase the paper that broke Watergate. Bezos thanked “Bob” for the question and broke it down into three parts. He said he asked himself whether he thought the Post was an important institution, if the paper had a future, and if he brought anything to the table. All three answers were apparently yes.

Woodward: “How and why did you decide to buy the Post?” Bezos responds by describing “three gates” he went through: http://t.co/FepBjXfnZ5 — Mark Berman (@themarkberman) September 4, 2013

Sally Quinn asked Bezos how much time he’d be spending in D.C., but the West Coast dweller wasn’t sure. He later conceded that he likely won’t be a fixture in the Washington scene and won’t know everyone’s name.

The Sally Quinniest question possible —>. RT @erikwemple: Sally Quinn: how much time will you be spending in DC? Answer, not sure — Clint Hendler (@clinthendler) September 4, 2013

#Bezos: I can’t out-Don Don (Graham). He knows everyone’s name, it’s amazing. I’m not going to know everyone’s name — Brook Silva-Braga (@Brook) September 4, 2013

It doesn’t look like there will be many changes to the paper’s editorial page, since most of the opinions already line up with Bezos’ anyways.

#bezos on editorial section. Most of the paper’s established views are consistent with mine. I see no reason to change what we’re doing

— Brook Silva-Braga (@Brook) September 4, 2013

Someone, it seems, finally asks what the chances are that they will be fired. (In not so many words.) The answer is not so clear.

Doesn’t seem to want to continue cuts. We need to grow. Can’t be in survival mode. #bezos

— Elizabeth Chang (@ElizabethGChang) September 4, 2013

#Bezos: Very likely there will be adds in some places and cuts in others

— Brook Silva-Braga (@Brook) September 4, 2013

Asked about newsroom shrinkage, JB says there are “no extra points in business for growing head count.”

— ErikWemple (@ErikWemple) September 4, 2013

Reporter Andrea Peterson veered off topic a bit and asked Bezos about Amazon Web Services’ attempt to sell cloud contracts to the CIA, and this reportedly woke everyone up a bit.

Rest of newsroom wakes up to the fact that we can ask real questions. Next one: Amazon and Wikileaks.

— Lydia DePillis (@lydiadepillis) September 4, 2013

Photo via Wikimedia Commons