In D.C.’s fledgling medical marijuana regime, Warren was patient 3.

The makeup artist and hair stylist was the third person in the District to obtain a medical marijuana license after the city’s first legal dispensaries opened this summer, which, for now, makes him and fewer than 60 others members of one of D.C.’s most exclusive clubs. He’s certainly one of its experts: Each week, Warren spends $100 to $200 at Capital City Care dispensary and smokes two or three times a day. And the marijuana he’s now able to buy, he says, hits a new high for purity.

“It’s just more of a clean smoke; you don’t have to be concerned about, ‘have they put in anything to make it stronger?” says Warren, who requested partial anonymity to discuss his marijuana-purchasing habits. “It’s all pure, and you can just tell when you’re smoking it. It hasn’t been tainted.”

Warren, who prefers rolling papers to blunts, bowls, and bongs, relies on weed for energy to make it through the workday, which often includes long shifts without a break. He might want to consider adding a side-gig: D.C.’s first medical marijuana critic. We asked Warren to review four strands currently available to D.C.’s small population of marijuana patients.

The most expensive of the bunch, Jack Herer is the go-to strand for being out in public, as long as you’re OK with bloodshot eyes. “It makes you a lot more social and still chill at the same time,” Warren says. “You’re not, like, paranoid, but it does make your eyes really, really red.” It also has the densest smoke of the four, and the strongest burn on your throat.
Rating: 9.5/10

$20/gram each
The Kush strands relax the body, but leave you sluggish and paranoid, Warren says. “I try and stay away from [them] if I have to go somewhere out in public,” he says. They don’t offer much by way of flavor, either. “To be honest with you, I haven’t really noticed much difference between the two types of Kush,” Warren says. “I think they’re both along the same lines, which is probably why they both cost the exact same amount. Both Kushes taste very much like marijuana.”
Rating: 8/10

Blue Dream helps you “function without being lazy and tired,” similar to the Jack Herer, while producing a predominantly head-based high that doesn’t relax the muscles as much. It also yields a light, mild smoke. It’s the least expensive of the bunch at $18 a gram, as well as Warren’s favorite, which he attributes to its value and quality. At first he was skeptical of the low price. “I thought that the more expensive one, the Jack, would be better for me,” he says. “But actually the cheaper one is the one I like the best.”
Rating: 10/10

Photo by Carey Jordan