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No Goal: The Pigskins’ poor performance on the field is apparently causing an invested fan to perform poorly in bed. -3

Slow and Steady: The Panda Cam captured the baby panda taking her first steps. We know, you’re pretty sure you’re done with this whole thing, but it was pretty darn cute. +2 Here We Go Again:  Two writers try to determine whether D.C. or New York is snobbier. The verdict: D.C., because at least New York has some “faint instinct that it should be ashamed.” -4

Closing Time: Cleveland Park restaurant Dino is closing because sales took a turn south around the time all the new 14 Street NW restaurants opened.  The shutdown and sequester cuts didn’t help, either. -5

Yesterday’s Needle rating: 64 Today’s score: -10 Needle rating: 54