The District, once known far and wide as Chocolate City, has become so inundated with yuppie-friendly amenities in recent years that it’s now a top destination spot for myopic little twits. Or at least according to a click-bait compendium by real estate blog Movoto, which ranked D.C. as the seventh-most-liked city in the nation for white people. (Portland, Ore., topped the list, naturally.)

Movoto used the apparently-still-a-thing blog “Stuff White People Like” to find quantifiable things that white people like. They narrowed their criteria down to 27 things, including marijuana, microbrews, bicycles, wine, divorce, graduate school, breakfast places, Asian fusion food, and “the idea of soccer.”

It then measured, for instance, the number of wine shops, bike stores, and Major League Soccer teams on a per capita basis. Some basic math determined there’s a ton of stuff in D.C. that white people like. For marijuana, Movoto used its previous ranking of the Highest Cities in America, which took into account such factors as whether marijuana is legalized or decriminalized, the number of marijuana dispensaries per capita, and the number of residents with medical marijuana cards. (D.C. looks like it is on its way to decriminalizing marijuana, but it hasn’t yet passed a law to that effect.)

Here’s Movoto’s description of the District, whose demographics break down as 50.1 percent black and about 35.5 percent white, non-Hispanic:

Why does the pale brigade like Washington, D.C.? Bring on soccer, farmers’ markets, and divorce. The land of politicos is home to D.C. United, meaning our nation’s capital is open to the idea of soccer; it brought home a second place win (probably in a canvas tote) for farmers’ markets; and finally, 35 percent of the population have tied the knot with a loved one and then decided they hated each other.

So, how could Washington, D.C. fare better? First, all those poll hound Belters looking to keep in office should recognize the Movoto blog has a finger on America’s pulse. Seriously, we’re the Super Pac of Novelty Real Estate. Secondly, step up marijuana support, as it ranked a sad No. 72 on our list of the highest cities in America. Aside from this, D.C. could bring in more tattoo shops and roller derby teams

To take full advantage of all the District’s offerings, may we suggest blazing up, finally figuring out where to get that Master’s degree, and ditching your spouse at Doi Moi over a nice glass of wine (or craft beer).

Photo by Elvert Barnes via Flickr/CC BY-SA 2.0