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They’re calling it Jonas. It must be a Weezer-themed winter because that’s what the people who are desperate to
cash in on winter storms name winter storms have dubbed the potentially historic snowstorm slouching toward Washington. We’re about two days away from Jonas’ debut (disruption) and here’s what we know:
What Does the Forecast Say?
The models don’t look good. Shortly after midnight, the Capitol Weather Gang reported that all its current forecasts predict “very substantial” snow accumulations, between a foot and 30 inches. (Still, “from the District and to the southeast, we cannot rule that snow will mix with sleet and/or rain, reducing snow totals some.”) NBC4 echoed those totals, reporting that some areas around D.C. may see two feet of snow, and maybe a blizzard. Accuweather says the same.
“Now not only are we dealing with a lot of snow, but we are also going to see the potential for coastal flooding,” says Weather Channel meteorologist Domenica Davis, standing assuredly before a green-screen showing gusts of up to 35 mph in D.C. “The winds will be a major issue with this as this storm rides up the coast. So that is something we’re going to be watching as well.”
What Is Twitter Saying?
People’s strangest habits (outerwear and otherwise) come out during extreme weather. They also tend to fatalistically bemoan it.
— Crunchy Scott (@CrunchyScott) January 20, 2016
@TomKierein In the city, this is simply scary snow & one day of beauty! Only good thing about winter in the city is getting 2 wear cashmere!
— SusanDC (@Susan_DC) January 20, 2016
So…in theory if I needed a boba fix during the imminent DC death snow…how much do I need to pay to get a delivery boba service started?
— Matts n Catz (@mdolby7) January 20, 2016
There’s nothing quite as pathetic as DC trying to deal with snow. Gonna be a long weekend. https://t.co/IrfU54crGT
— aweisburd (@webradius) January 20, 2016
All the salt in the world isn’t going to help you when there’s 24-30 inches of snow on the ground, DC. We’re screwed. Just deal with it.
— HoldenKushner (@Holdenradio) January 20, 2016
What Should I Do?
We agree with Washingtonian that “it’s perfectly okay to panic about snow in D.C.,” though we advise against using the hashtag “#weatherwimps.” That’s basically throwing in the social-media towel. Wouldn’t it be better to go out in Revenant-style fashion?
Or, like Weezer wisely sang in the glory days of The Blue Album: Come sit next to me. Pour yourself some tea.
Today’s Snow Panic Index: 4/5
Illustration by Lauren Heneghan