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Over the past week this Web site has seen more than a few heated exchanges between the hipster and non-hipster populations of D.C. Some have insinuated that hipsters/City Paper employees have defied physics by “listening to bands that don’t even exist yet.”

Far be it from me to cram non-existent or unheard bands down your throats. They say that a man can be judged in life by the number of his friends—and now that judgment can be made all the easier by glancing at their Myspace page. But can a band be judged by their number of digital fans? I guess that depends on whether you consider “teenvixenOMG!” a legitimate acquaintance.

Anyway, this week I’m allowing the disembodied digital masses to decide what concerts to hype.

Heavy Trash ft. Jon Spencer
Rock & Roll Hotel
Wed., 9/19
Only a meager 1,117 friends here—possibly including dads, sisters, and high school buddies. The blues is apparently no longer No. 1. Even Southern Culture on the Skids is hitting harder than that these days.

Mountain Goats

Thu., 9/20
Black Cat
No official MySpace page! No friends! Get with the program, John Darnielle!

Le Loup/These United States
Sat., 9/29
Black Cat
If you add up recent Hardly Art acquisition Le Loup (982) with These United States (21,997) you get a pretty respectable 22,959. If anything, this number proves that at the very least these two local bands do exist.

Sat Oct. 6
Black Cat
This Texas indie band is surprisingly small time with a mere 32,681.

I Am Ghost
Wed Oct. 3
Black Cat
A whopping 109,357 friends! Clearly the voice of the people—or at least the people in Crow costumes. Apparently every single teenager that has purchased hair dye or white base makeup in the past year is into this band.

Less Than Jake
Thu., 8/27
930 Club
166,884! Who said third-wave ska was dead?

But the real winner is….

John Vanderslice
Sat., 9/22
Rock & Roll Hotel
13167 BILLION FRIENDS! Who knew? Certainly unexpected to say the least, but there it is. Apparently the world loves a certain heart-on-sleeve singer-songwriter from San Francisco. Look out Maroon 5!