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You’ll have to excuse me if I seem to mock the credibility of something that was created by ABC television specifically to replace the Grammies, the broadcast rights for which they lost to CBS in 1973, in its annual schedule. But I watched them anyway—not for me, dear reader, but for you.

  • I always thought Jimmy Kimmel was funny. Now I can see that it’s his writers, currently on strike, who are funny. His best line was a crack about The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. O, touche, Kimmel!
  • But he’s still infinitely better than Ryan Seacrest.
  • The AMAs seem to have abandoned their masturbatory relationship with the country music industry, for whatever that’s worth.
  • Duran Duran is really, really old.
  • When Slash and Scott Weiland came out to present the award for Favorite Country Album, Slash made the remark, “They’ll let anybody in here these days.” These days?
  • Of all the one-liners tossed about by hosts, presenters, performers, and grateful awardees, the most entertaining and on-the-nose actually came from my wife, who gasped, “Oh my God, Beyonce’s nipples are almost showing!”
  • Does it say something that the whole string quartet that played behind Daughtry was comprised of metal chicks?
  • Every year Gene Simmons looks more and more like Ricardo Montalban. That surely means something, too.
  • Black Plastic Bag’s thoughts, prayers, and hearts are with Kanye West.