In what must be the hardest-rocking false positive to hit Fort Reno since Black Eyes sang the song “False Positive,” the National Parks Service has declared Fort Reno park 100 percent safe. According to the Washington Post, after conducting extensive tests on samples collected throughout the park, officials now believe—for reasons that have not been disclosed—that they were wrong about all of that arsenic. As a result the Fort Reno concert series will be moving forward, although the schedule has not yet been posted.
Anyway, rest assured that you, your friends, your dog, and your child can all enjoy the summer concert series without having to worry about the allosteric inhibition of your essential metabolic enzymes and your resulting death by organ failure.
Oh, and while we’re talking about Fort Reno, maybe you’d like to give them some money?