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The band (or, in this case, the Man): Morrissey
The Album: Years of Refusal

[Ed. note: Here at Judging a Disc, we know we’re treading on thin ice by going after the greatest, most loved punk-turned-singer-songwriter of all time (Jesus, you people love your Fucking Morrissey), but we can’t let that stop us. Read on—if you dare.]

What caught our eye: Why would anyone volunteer her baby for this? Our theory: some poor sound engineer was in the middle of breastfeeding her only child while adjusting the levels for a Charmin commercial when Morrissey’s chaufer kicked down the booth door and demanded that Leslie (that’s what we’re calling her) hand over “tha’ tiny sucklah” for “tha good of tha pop music.” Before Leslie could respond, The Man in Smart Livery snatched the wee thing straight from her teet and took off on foot for his Ducati 996 with its NARAL-approved Baby Sidecar™. He took the baby to Morrissey, who had just finished his lunch at a cute little Italian bistro. [Ed. note: GOD, NONE OF THIS IS FUNNY Fast-forward to Morrissey, Baby, Man in Smart Livery at the photog’s studio.] Morrissey has wrapped the baby in the tablecloth from the bistro, someone has glued weird symbols to both man and child, and the photog is screaming, “DISDAIN—SHOW ME DISDAIN GODDAMNIT! YOU HATE THIS BABY! IT REPRESENTS YOUTH AND YOU ARE OLD AND IT IS STEALING YOUR LIFE.”

Taste rating: 5/10. Morrissey could be doing so many other things to this baby, like using it to show how capitalism fills our lungs with water, or other things that might involve Morrissey making a guest appearance on To Catch a Predator.

Also, three cheers to Morrissey for boosting awareness of Infant Gynecomastia.

Read previous entries here.