“Trying to show a link between rock stars and drugs is like trying to make a link between mouths and tooth decay,” writes R.U. Sirius—the nom de fume of 10 Zen Monkeys‘ Ken Goffman. This is but one of the many mangy comparisons that frontload Everybody Must Get Stoned: Rock Stars on Drugs*, and when you skim the book’s list-heavy 200+ pages, tooth decay starts to sound like an attractive alternative. OK, maybe that’s not entirely fair—there’s some funny writing amid the run-on analogies, and a few of the anecdotes are worth their weight in angel dust. Hell, it’d probably make a nice coffee table book, if you’re David Crosby.

To save you the buyer’s remorse, here are our favorite factoids, trivia, apocrypha, or whatever:

• Pro-bullet goblin/chemical puritan Ted Nugent claims that his strategy for avoiding Vietnam service involved shooting meth and relieving himself in his pants. “[At the] army physical, Nugent was so sick that he passed out during his blood test…. And when it came time to give them some excrement, he got it all over his hands and arm.” The most interesting part here is that the army requested a stool sample.
• Courtney Love on motherhood: “If there ever was a time when people should do drugs, it’s when they’re pregnant. Because it sucks.” Ugh.
• Robert Hunter, in his 1984 “10 Commandments of Rock & Roll”: “Destroy yourself physically and mentally and insist that all true brothers do likewise as an expression of unity.”
• Some story about Grace Slick bringing Abbie Hoffman as a date to Nixon’s White House with, like, many micrograms of LSD hidden under her fingernail (that’s where they lose me, honestly) in the hopes of spiking Nixon‘s sweet tea. Mission Not Accomplished.
• John Lennon wrote “Come Together” for Timothy Leary‘s unsuccessful run against Ronald Reagan in California’s 1968 gubernatorial race.
• Steely Dan took its name from a dildo in William Burroughs‘ Naked Lunch.

And that’s about it. Save your $12.95 ($15.45 in Canada!) and spend it on one of the small baggies from your guy across the street.

*The worst example, as Mike Riggs has rightly observed, comes two paragraphs to the south: “And so, like the proverbial girl with her finger in the dike while ripped to the tits on X, Vitamin K, and a couple of Vicodin while trying to play guitar during a guest appearance on Ellen, I have attempted to take a vast ocean of rock-and-roll drug data and reduce it down to a book form that you can be amused, upset, offended, and/or informed by.”