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In which the author briefly discusses five new books he’d read, if time permitted.

1. Che: A Graphic Biography, by Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colon.
As previously discussed, I’m not much for graphic novels, but it’s pretty cool to stare at drawings of Ernesto Guevera and Fidel Castro plotting strategy in the Sierra Maestra. Do you think Castro knows this book exists? If he does, he must think it’s pretty fucking weird. How would you feel if you saw a comic book of a war you fought? Then again, maybe you’re a really laid back hippie-type. Maybe you’d think it was no big deal.

2. How to Be Inappropriate, by Daniel Nester.
Okay: there is a very high chance that, like this guy, this book will be annoying, but some chance—I’m not saying a great chance, but a measurable, extant chance—that this book will be sort of funny. Who’s ready to gamble?

3. How to Be a Movie Star: Elizabeth Taylor in Hollywood, by William J. Mann.
Emmanuel Lewis, Macaulay Culkin, Jay Leno: so many people who used to be famous were friends with Michael Jackson. This is a book about one of them.

4. Liver: A Fictional Organ with a Surface Anatomy of Four Lobes, by Will Self.
I can never remember if Will Self is a novelist, or a journalist, or a gonzo journalist, or a gonzo novelist, or just gonzo, and I worry that, if I read this short-story collection that seems to be about drinking and drugs or, at least, heavily influenced by drinking and drugs, I still wouldn’t be able to remember.

5. Arguing with Idiots: How to Stop Small Minds and Big Government, by Glenn Beck.
Alien invaders: let me be the first to welcome you to Spaceship Earth. Here, on Earth, there are six billion human inhabitants. These six billion individuals think six billion different ways about themselves, their world, their god(s), their fates, the struggles they face, their trials and tribulations, what does or doesn’t turn them on, and whether or not Paranormal Activity really is a good movie. Though the complex behavior and diverse beliefs of these six billion Earthlings can’t be predicted or explained by any known system, all Earthlings have been divided into two camps by the corporate media to further its own financial interests: 1) the “liberal” camp, and 2) the “conservative” camp. Mr. Beck has graciously agreed to brief you on the worldview of the second.