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In which the author discusses five books he’s read, if time permitted.

1.Have a Little Faith: A True Story, by Mitch Albom. I don’t really read “Mitch Albom,” and don’t understand “his journey,” or his “outlook,” or what he’s “about.” I do know, however, that the employees of Second Story Books in Dupont Circle refuse to buy review copies of Mitch Albom books. Now, doesn’t that kinda/sorta make you want to read them?

2. Under the Dome, by Stephen King. Since I have read every single Stephen King book, I can no longer pretend that I don’t know this book exists and won’t read it. It all started back in 1989 when my mother pointed to a shelf of classic Stephen King novels—-It, The Stand, Salem’s Lot, etc.—-and warned me that I was not old enough to read them. But what was in these banned books? What mysterious and curiosities lurked therein? Just a lot of gore, and sex, and run-on sentences.

3. Say You’re One of Them, by Uwem Akpam. Oprah’s Book Club strikes again. Everybody pony up $15 to be part of the national conversation.

4. The Dollar Meltdown: Surviving the Impending Currency Crisis with Gold, Oil, and Other Unconventional Investments, by Charles Goyette. I’m an economic contrarian. That is, I go against that crowd. That’s a way to make a dollar, mister. When they’re selling low, buy. When they’re buying high, sell. But wait—-if everyone reads this book and follows its advice, won’t I have to be a counter-contrarian to be a contrarian? Goddammit. Come on—-does anyone really understand economics? Let’s go drive up to the Borgata poker room and get $300 in the pink-chip game.

5. unSweetined, by Jodie Sweetin. An ironically-titled tell-all by a former Full House-cast member? Don’t walk, run….no, don’t run, fly…no, don’t fly, beam…no, don’t beam, transport…no, don’t…well, just take a fucking submarine to the bookstore if you need to.