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Morning, y’all! At the top of the news pile: WaPo’s Dave Malitz almost missed his date with Bob Dylan, but then didn’t! Also, my niece, who is 4 years old, does not “get” VHS.

Tony Millionaire‘s potty mouth, the legacies of Leo Strauss and Lemmy, the scarcity of female comedy writers, Trace Adkins: Comic Book Hero, free vinyl, music for writing about the Simpsons, and more, after the jump.

– Millionaire, the mind behind Maakies (a very good comic strip that runs in many fine alt. weeklies, but not this one, unfortunately) and the Drinky Crow Show (a terrible, terrible TV show based on Maakies that ran for far too long on Adult Swim), is not just funny with pencils, but with words. As evidence, read this excerpt from his new book, in which Millionaire tells a Village Voice editor, “Fuck you,” then, “I’m sorry I said that,” then, “Fuck you,” again.

– Writings by Leo Strauss were not allowed at my university (I don’t think), but they’re hot shit at Kenyon College, and apparently, the upper echelons of Washington, D.C. This is both fascinating and terrifying, as Leo Strauss seems to be directly responsible for everything bad that ever happened under George W. Bush. Him, and the makers of water and terry cloth.

– Urb.com, a music site that used to be a magazine, is testing a beta site design. Check it out.

– Things that I would buy with $43.7 million: a place closer to the metro, better bike tires, a reprieve from late-night collection agency calls, clean water for people who have to walk a long way to get it, and, possibly, a complete dinosaur skeleton. Things that I would not buy with $43.7 million: a painting.

– Why did it take David Letterman confessing to the world that he bones his few female staffers for anyone to care that he has so few female staffers?

– Great point here: More people care that the story about trash island was financed by “the crowd” or “the community” than care about the fact that what the New York Times published was not a very good story.

– I am not the only person who cried multiple times during The Way We Get By.

– Country music stud Trace Adkins has his own comic book. About goddamn time, is what I’m thinking right now. “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” is one of the greatest songs of the 2000s, blending the wah-wah stylings of Isaac Hayes, the pulsating back-beat of the worst Euro trash, and the twangy sensibilities of my former Sunday school teacher, who is taking a break from his career as a NASCAR radio commenter to serve 15 years in prison for serial rape. I will never forget the time I had to explain to all the Jersey transplants whose history papers I wrote what a “honky tonk” is, or that, in Florida, “badonkadonk” is not the diminutive form for “ma’am.” Also, I did not know such a genre existed as “redneck noir.” Fantastic.

– More free vinyl at the Vinyl District. The number of commenters vying for the Gossip album is up to three. Get in there and make your case ASAP!

– Did the Gospel of Wealth help bring about the mortgage crisis? Hanna Rosin makes a compelling case in the Atlantic that it did. Tell you what, y’all, the Prayer of Jabez sure did not keep the lights on or the fridge stocked at my house!

– Who is your role model? Chris Shonting prays at the church of Lemmy. When Shonting asks Lemmy why he joined a band, Lemmy says, “Women.” Then he elaborates on his first experience with guitar-as-pheromone-enhancement: “I put strings on [my mom’s guitar] and took it to school during the week after exams, when you don’t do anything. And I was immediately surrounded by chicks. It worked like a charm, and I couldn’t even play the fucking thing.” I picked up the guitar for the same reason, then made the mistake of learning jazz instead of cock rock. Stupid, stupid me. Now, instead of spreading strange venereal diseases across the globe, I am missing out on snuggle time with the gf to write this roundup.

– One of my goals for the future is to read John Ortved’s The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History before the show goes off the air. I am psyching myself out by reading this.

– Like a lot of things, this post, “America Loses Its Cool,” went right over my head. For instance, author Ted Gioia says that, “in the 1990s the Age of Cool started to come to an end in the United States,” and that “one of its dominant attributes was a laid-back personality style. It avoided confrontation, and instead made its points through humor and ironic distance.” Gioia points to Glenn Beck-types and talk radio as examples of what has replaced cool. But here’s thing thing: I thought irony was a relatively new phenomenon; like, late 80s to now. And that’s the other thing: irony is still here. Right here. In this blog post. Somebody care to help me out with this?

OK, folks, seize the day!