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appy Monday, Arts Desk readers!

Fresh off detonating an n-bomb and other ordnance in an interview with Playboy, John Mayer descended into the bosom of Obama’s Post-Racial America to play a two-hour gig at the Verizon Center Saturday. In a remarkable show of restraint, the embattled musician managed to limit his word vomit to innocuous musings about how he’s thinking about putting all his money toward inventing a “heli-boat.” WaPo calls Mayer’s performance self-consciously “G-Rated”—which could also describe its write-up, in which an allusion to the musician’s use of the pre-censored word “a-hole” in a recent Twitter post was redacted in favor of “[jerk].” Family paper and all.

Mayer’s been uncharacteristically reticent on Twitter since. Not so WCP alum Mike Riggs, who tweeted that the opener, Michael Franti & Spearhead, sounded worse than a nearby group of pre-teen girls howling “Happy Birthday.” See, John? It is possible to be arch without offending entire populations of people.

Speaking of racial insensitivity, you may recall a few months ago we cited a Mental_Floss item about discarded Muppets characters, which included Roosevelt Franklin, the black muppet who taught kids about the geography of Africa. Well! Taking a cue from the Potter Puppet Pals, Jim Henson’s children are now hoping to go viral with YouTube covers of classic rock numbers, WaPo reports. Happily, these videos are not racist but merely insufferable.

After the jump: Michael Jackson, Avatar, slug porn, and other words that come up on auto-fill whenever I use Internet on my roommate’s computer.

Speaking of YouTube, Idolator points out this gem from Brazil. Suck it, Daft Hands!

Speaking of sucking it, check out this slug porn! OMG, they do it just like in Avatar!

Speaking of Avatar, The Hurt Locker scored a few more pre-Oscar points against James Cameron’s phantasmallegorical masterwork by receiving copious bling from the Writer’s Guild and BAFTA. Hey, did you guys know Kathryn Bigelow and Cameron used to be married? Why isn’t the media covering that angle with sociopathic tenacity? Oh, right.

Speaking of sociopaths, Christopher Walken is tired of playing them. NYTimes reports that Walken told his agent he wanted his next role to be “a nice guy with a wife and a family and a dog and a house.” She got back to him with a script for play about a man inquisitioning various corpse dealers in an effort to locate his missing hand. Walken determined the character to be sufficiently wholesome; “A Behanding in Spokane” opens on Broadway Thursday after next.

That’s what it is, folks. Now get to workGchatting!

Photo via Flickr user kiyomi3631.