We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.

Success! You're on the list.

Morning folks! I found my wallet. It was in a drawer.

Being married to Mandy Moore has been in my regular rotation of fantasies since age 15, but apparently it makes Ryan Adams want to scream. The erstwhile alt-country singer-songwriter has announced that he’s completed a metal record. As proof, Stereogum has this self-portrait of Adams doing metal things (see above). In fairness to Ms. Moore, Adams has been dabbling in metal since 2006, and a weirdo for much longer. He calls the new album, Orion, his “most legit METAL record” to date, though I can’t see how it could possibly top this (off his 2006 metal album, Feel the Laser):

Everybody smells like rotten meat
We’re the maggot police, eating brains
Ripping people’s eyes out when they try to use the Stairmaster

Adams says he’s pressing the album this week—on vinyl, presumably so he won’t have to rip people’s eyes out when they try to use iTunes.

Speaking of embracing the man inside, Ben Stiller tells the NYTimes about trading physical pratfalls for emotional ones in Greenberg, a new film by Noah Baumbach that demonstrates how a man needn’t have his balls bisected by his zipper on prom night to exist in a state of perpetual mortification.

After the jump: In his new book about global warming, Sir Ian McEwan articulates man’s worst fear. (Hint: it has nothing to do with global warming.)

Speaking of genital-based physical comedy, some choice parts of Sir Ian McEwan‘s latest have been released. So to speak.

Speaking of distressing amputations, TNR rehashes the adversarial relationship between Raymond Carver and his editor Gordon Lish—who was known to hack up Carver’s manuscripts with what some would call inhumane abandon—on the occasion of a new biography and a new collection of the writer’s unedited work.

Speaking of excessive editing, a long-lost son of Bob Marley is threatening to sue a publisher for re-writing his autobiography to punch up accounts of his family’s least mellow aspects; or, a long-lost son of Bob Marley pens unflattering tell-all, then threatens to sue the publisher after the rest of the Marley clan threatens to cut him out of the estate. Depends on whom you ask. WaPo reprints.

Looking for guidance on this dreary Monday? Listen to Dan Reeder‘s new record, which Oh Boy released quietly last month. It’s not metal, but it’s most certainly legit. Happy Monday!