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Morning humans! It’s another tragic Tuesday, for I’ve slept through traffic court (no, I didn’t run anyone over this time). But I did wake up to do this roundup just for you.

NBC has picked up J.J. Abrams’ new pilot (for he is god), Undercovers, a spy drama, for their fall line up. The plot falls on the story of two CIA agents who fell in love, retired and opened a catering biz–the love child of Alias and Felicity? I feel like a child on Christmas day.

Sad news: Zoolander 2 was killed off, but a G.I. Joe sequel is on! Guess Channing Tatum’s just that hot. Speaking of, why does Amanda Bynes always get paired up with the hottest men?

On to sex, nightmares and cheatin’. So guys, apparently, the secret to looking like you’re 25 when you’re 45 is robbin’ the cradle and havin’ lots and lots of sex. Right Demi, I think it’s called plastic surgery. Note–I agree with Kim Kardashian, it is hard out there for a pimp. Nightmare on Elm Street though was ballin’ this weekend debuting at #1, rolling in $32.9 million. I watched that shit by accident as a child, and I’ve refused to take baths since.

And what the fuck. David Boreanaz admits affair with Rachel Uchitel?! ANGEL?! BONES?! Is this girl that hard to resist? Even in Hollywood, everyone’s fucking the same girl. Guess it could be worse; at least Angel didn’t behead his wife.

Taylor Momsen. Every time I see a photo of that girl, I want to feed her. And that’s all I have to say about that. Speaking of addictions, Michael Douglas’ son will be hanging out in prison for 5 years. At least that’ll clean him up. Kristen Stewart on the other hand–I’m not quite sure what we’ve got going on here.

In case you missed it yesterday, Cara Cottle, charged in the murder of noted local goth, Dirk Smiler, was granted $50,000 bond.

For your flashback in time: The Strokes.

Okay, mosey on kids, don’t want to waste any more of your time. For today, get caught in the downpour, just for shits and giggles, forget your silly umbrella and dance in the rain.