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The city provides us with stories, but not all of them involve sharks and shooters. People make stuff and say stuff and write stuff, and sometimes we wholeheartedly reply “far out!” or “hot dang!” Sometimes it’s more of a retort than a reply, but whatever. Still confused, young’in? The dossier is as easy as one, two, three:

“If you drew a graph with my Kanye frustration on one axis and Kanye’s popularity post-2009 on the other, it would be a straight line with a slope of positive one. Y=X.” “There aren’t really rappers from Alexandria, because they’re afraid to be themselves, nobody is authentic.”
Dried oregano and dried cilantro HOT ART
“Some Jews get all soulful and introspective in synagogues, others in theaters.” Brightest Young Things: “Girls: could you date someone if they couldn’t name at least two-thirds of the members of Wu-Tang?”
Covert Affairs is more plausible than 24 Big G wasn’t fired
“When you’re making it, it’s hard to tell because it’s so internal. It’s some weird figment of your imagination, and you have no idea what it’s going to mean.” Jason Linkins/dceiver: “I just watched that hats episode of Project Runway? And, man, did the judges ever wang that one!”
New 9:30 club record label “has zero to do with making money” Chris Lehmann: “Almost as depressing as OED news: One major publishing house’s spring catalog leads with Kardashian Konfidential
“Sometimes I’ll shoot for the stars and to a lot of people it might seem stupid–and sometimes I do stupid things to make it happen–but I’m the kind of guy who likes to follow the trail, maybe do stupid things along the way, but learn from it.” There will be a movie theater in the West End again
The WONK campaign “Whoever pulled together the ad copy for The Sicilian Girl was really strained for material.”
George Clooney, doing nothing “Imposter Hogette” resurfaces
Who the hell would watch this? Who the hell would watch this?