Previously on Arts Desk: Bossman Jonathan L. Fischer introduced his new “Fare Assessment” feature, in which he analyzes The Washington Post Style Section’s assignments that send its critics out of town and rates them on a scale from hitchhiking to Acela. First up was Anne Midgette‘s trip to Carnegie Hall for a performance by the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra. (Worth a drive up the New Jersey Turnpike.)

But perhaps Fischer should have included a transatlantic steamship or something, because today the WaPo tastemakers are all over the big story that OMG! HOLY SHIT! EVERYONE IN ENGLAND IS GETTING MARRIED! The Post is agog over the announcement that Prince William and Kate Middleton are finally engaged to be married. There’s a page on with a word cloud and roundup about the nuptials. In the dead-tree edition Robin Ghivan is already choosing Kate’s wedding dress. And Monica Hesse‘s story in the A Section calls the big day—which will need to be scheduled around the Queen’s birthday, the Queen’s jubilee, the premiere of the next season of Doctor Who and possibly the 2012 Summer Olympics—“a rebirth for Britain.” By the way, what the fuck is the Queen’s jubilee? I only ask because read aloud the term sounds like a Long Island City sex party.

Also today in WaPo London: An interview with Hogwarts’ resident nogoodnik Tom Felton.

Over at TBD, Sarah Godfrey was going to review Bob Dylan‘s show at GWU last weekend, but “Dylan’s people” don’t like show reviews. Or reporters and critics in general. Or cell phones that feature cameras. Godfrey nearly lost her phone to an I.M.P. usher (acting on Dylan’s orders), but considering the revelation that “Dylan’s people” attempt to deny ticket sales to self-identified reporters, she might be lucky she got in at all.

Meanwhile, Godfrey’s fellow Albrittonite Allbrittonite Maura Judkis reports that Stomp is headed back to Washington in January to make up for the cancellation of its sister show Pandemonium last month.

Also from the London desk yesterday came Apple’s announcement that you must buy The Beatles‘ entire catalog again or Steve Jobs will sit on a puppy. But the new iTunes selection of The Beatles does include their first American performance at the old Washington Coliseum, DCist notes. Yeah, the Coliseum was first. Take that, Shea Stadium.

Closer to home, Joe Warminsky, still gloating from his beloved Eagles’ thrashing of the Redskins, found a new gem of a local ad on Monday night in Hyattsville’s Afros Cut. Hopefully it’ll still make Warminsky smile after the Giants take care of those pesky Iggles this week.

If you didn’t vote for Bristol Palin last night on Dancing With the Stars, then you hate freedom, grizzly bears, baked Alaskas, pregnant ladies and America.