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HO HO WHO: Southeast D.C.’s Lady Moet Beast & D.C. Ty The Monster aren’t just a rap duo; they’re married, too. And through their own label, Draztick Measurez Recordz, they’ve released the 12-song Urban Christmas.

TODAY WAS NOT SUCH A GOOD DAY: The album’s pièce de résistance is “Bad Santa,” a wry, bottom-heavy slow-roller that depicts two versions of a flawed Saint Nick. Ty’s Santa rides into the ‘hood in a red Cadillac followed by an eight-elf security team in a black Suburban. His intentions are good, but he’s willing to break decorum: “Only thing he hate about the ‘hood, no cookies get left out/So sometimes he hit the fridge just before he dips out.” Moet’s Santa, meanwhile, has much more in common with the jerk in the Billy Bob Thornton movie of the same name: “You can have that mall crap/No you ain’t sittin’ on my lap.”

GRINCHIN’ AINT EASY: Both Santa types —-the Wary Professional and the Fed-Up Benefactor—-have become more familiar in recent years, but there’s something vivid about the way Ty and Moet present them. The song’s hook is probably the main reason: The Nutcracker‘s “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” has never been deployed in such a delightfully deadpan way.

CHEER FACTOR: 10/10. A fat sack o’ realness!

LISTEN: Lady Moet Beast & D.C. Ty The Monster — “Bad Santa”

[audio:http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/artsdesk/files/2010/12/bad_santa.mp3|titles=”Bad Santa”]