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It’s official: Cruise ships are now akin to public utilities. The industry is no longer worth viewing with irony or suspicion. The boats go out and they come back. There might be rock ‘n’ roll on some of the boats, there might not be. On at least one of the boats, Ian Svenonius will be the master of ceremonies. On others, he will not be. The semiotics of the situation are totally blown to shit. Burn that essay by David Foster Wallace. Trash that chapter in Chuck Klosterman IV. If you like the Black Lips, the Vivian Girls, or Surfer Blood, you probably should buy a ticket to the 2011 Bruise Cruise. If you do not like that kind of music, you should probably buy a ticket, anyway, because you are American, and sooner or later you will need to take a cruise in order to prove your citizenship. THE INDUSTRY IS COMING FOR YOU.