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In one of the more creative attempts we’ve seen to curb teenage loitering around Gallery Place, the National Portrait Gallery recently installed speakers above its steps on 7th Street NW that play one thing the museum is sure will keep away those pesky kids: classical music. It’s not inconceivable that other cultural institutions will want to adopt similar strategies. So we’ve done the grunt work and mapped out some anti-teenager initiatives.

National Geographic Museum At night, footage of copulating Malawian beetles will be projected on the building’s façade.

Spy Museum Christopher Plummer, conducting dramatic readings of John le Carré novels!

Wolf Trap Five words: A Prairie Home Companion, live.

Newseum Already set. Didn’t you hear? Kids hate newspapers!

Newseum image via Flickr user Son of Groucho.