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in which the author discusses five books he’d read, if time permitted.

1. Believing Is Seeing: Observations on the Mysteries of Photography, by Errol Morris. Errol Morris directed The Thin Blue Line, which is about cops. He didn’t direct The Thin Red Line. Terrence Malick directed that. It’s about Vietnam, or life, or something. Terrence Malick also directed The Tree of Life, which became famous because it starred Brad Pitt and came with a free subscription to The New York Times. That movie is about Texas, or life, or something. Errol Morris also directed Gates of Heaven,which is about a pet cemetary, but without the zombie killer pets or scary zombie kid featured in the Stephen King novel/movie Pet Sematary. Or Herman Munster.

2. The Postmortal: A Novel, by Drew Magary. This syfy-ish novel is about a cure for old age which wreaks Soylent Green-type consequences upon Spaceship Earth. I don’t think Charleston Heston makes an appearance though. Damn—-I just realized “Charleston Heston” is actually “Charlton Heston,” but from now on I’m going to call him “Charleston” because it has a ring to it and reminds me of a casino in West Virgina.

3. Wildwood, by Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis. I was excited to read this because I thought it was about Wildwood, N.J., but it’s actually about an imaginary, impassible wilderness outside of Portland, Ore.—-though technically, this does also describe Wildwood, N.J.

4. Habibi, by Craig Thompson. This is a really mystical seeming comic book graphic novel about people with big eyes who probably go on a quest. It’s also about religion or something and has a cool hardback cover.

5. Jane Fonda: The Private Life of a Public Woman, by Patricia Bosworth. My aunt often CC-es me on emails that remind me that Jane Fonda is no friend to Vietnam veterans. I’m not Vietnam veteran, but Jane Fonda’s no friend to me either, mostly because I once had to watch “On Golden Pond.” Snarkathon.