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Your next seven days should be filled with laughter. The following could help.

Friday, September 30: Joe Rogan at Warner Theatre
Yes, he hosted Fear Factor, but that’s not a reason to dismiss him. You too would host a game show in which people eat unappetizing things, if you were paid a king’s ransom and got to be high all the time. But I’m not sure if Joe Rogan is funny. He’s committed to the craft of stand-up comedy. He’s an extremely talented stage presence with very strong opinions about very trivial things. But I’ve watched his specials, occasionally listen to his very successful podcast, and enjoyed him on “News Radio,” but I’m still not sure if he’ll make me laugh. It’s a risk, but seeing Rogan may be worth it, if only to find out if he’s as ripped in person as he is in pictures. 8 p.m., $32.50, all ages.

Saturday, October 1: Comedy Supreme at Pizzeria Venti
There’s a shortage of female stand-ups in the D.C. area. There is. I spoke with stand-up/storyteller/producer/funny person Hillary Buckholtz about this a few weeks ago. She agrees. Unlike me, she’s doing something about it. Saturday, she’s performing at this one-year-anniversary show  with other funny ladAdaylah ies Banks, Jessica Brodkin, Erica Johnson, Jenn Tisdale, Wendi Townsend, Freddi Vernell, RayDiva, and Queen Aishah.  They’re all funny. This isn’t some charity thing. 7 p.m., $20, all ages.

Wednesday, October 5: Beatallica at Black Cat
It is what it sounds like. Beatles covers in the style of Metallica. Metallica covers in the style of the Beatles. Metallica music with Beatles lyrics. Sometimes the music is a basis for a spin-off. You see where this goes. It’s great. Pure, Beatle/Metallica enjoyment for anyone who loves melody and realizes music is stupid fun. If you don’t agree, watch the Metallica documentary Some Kind of Monster. Hilarious. If you’re not convinced Metallica is a laugh riot, the band’s next album is a collaboration with Lou Reed that clocks in at 87 minutes. That’s 87 minutes of comedy gold! So, yeah, Beatallica is fun. 8 p.m., $10, all ages.

Thursday, October 6:Mortified” at Town Nightclub
Swim in the misery of others. Open your eyes to the suffering of your peers. Peek into the neuroses of someone other than yourself. “Mortified” is coming back to D.C. if only to make you feel better. The next big thing in storytelling (yes, there is a next big thing in storytelling, which has clearly gotten out of control), “Mortified” is a night of embarrassing tales from those who made it out alive. The series takes place regularly around the country, and is slowly reaching Moth-like levels of acclaim. See it now for under $20 in a small space because it’s $30 in a too-big-to-enjoy room. 8 p.m., $15, 21+.