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Several weeks into the Occupy D.C. protests, nobody can accuse the activists inhabiting McPherson Square of being noncommittal. Still, no matter the stakes, we all need an occasional reminder not to take ourselves too seriously. With that in mind, we asked some local comedians to share their best jokes about Occupy D.C.

Of course, in comedy—like in capitalism—not everyone can be a winner.

Haywood Turnipseed Jr.
“The occupiers keep talking about the 99 percent. I live in Southeast D.C., where 38 percent of the folks are unemployed. They coulda just occupied my front yard and hit their target audience.”


Erin Ryan
“What is Occupy Wall Street anyway? I mean, besides the world’s slowest, saddest flashmob.”


Anthony Acosta
“My girlfriend and I have this game we play called Occupy The Bedroom. I camp out in a tent next to the bed, and she denies me every night, and nothing ever changes.”

Matty Abrams
“I was in New York and I approached the Occupy Wall Street Protest, and it was powerful. Not figuratively: 99 percent of them reeked like a poop/pot salad with a side of self-righteousness.”


Will Hessler
“If only the occupy protests could’ve been around last year and saved the 99 percent from Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps.”



Adam Friedland
“If the protesters really cared about revolution they’d join the Crunchwrap Supreme Revolution at Taco Bell. It’s a flavor revolution.”