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HO-HO-WHO: Scott Weiland has been a staple of modern rock radio for the better part of two decades, first with Stone Temple Pilots and then in the Slash-aided supergroup Velvet Revolver. In a move both baffling and easily rationalized (“Bowie did it, man”), Weiland has become the latest grunge-era crooner to try his hand at an adult contemporary crossover, this time through holiday standards. Could Gavin Rossdale performing the American Songbook be far off?

SEX(-MAS) TYPE THING: ’90s Alternative rock lacked a strong holiday-themed soundtrack, something Weiland rectifies on The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, a 10-song collection of swingin’ Christmas classics. One can only imagine how the late Kurt Cobain would have gotten a piece of the action had he hit middle age. Sadly, the world will never hear Nirvana’s Santa-themed single “Wrap Me.” It should be noted that Weiland’s pruned face is far more terrifying than the talking snowman referenced in “Winter Wonderland.”

BIG EMPTY: This album is presumably the result of Weiland needing to shore up quick cash for some over-the-top rock star bullshit like, say, a Nicolas Cage-like private island. Even still, one wonders why Weiland’s handlers—-of whom we can assume there are many—-didn’t try to talk some sense into him before this was thrust into a public forum. The sparse arrangements reveal a voice, without the benefit of a megaphone, that is croaky when not completely off-key. Musical masochists in the D.C. area can catch Weiland perform his yuletide spectacular at the 9:30 Club on Monday, Dec. 19. Tickets, if you can believe it, are still available.

CHEER FACTOR: 0.01/10. This might be the most elaborate and depressing Dancing with the Stars audition tape ever created.

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