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For those of you who are waiting for Ian MacKaye to join Twitter, it’s never going to happen. But at least you can follow ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥, a not quite official account re-imagining our revered punk statesman as a 13-year-old girl. Inside jokes for harDCore fans abound, along the lines of @JadedPunkHulk, only less angry and more preoccupied with uggos, bad hair, and pestering Henry Rollins for re-tweets (so far without luck). Here are Washington City Paper‘s 10 favorite tweets:
oh u want 2 intervieww fugazi?? does ur magazine hav beer ads? oh it does? BYEEE! #dontthinkso
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) December 19, 2012
dont buy teh new evenz album from amizon . there a souless corpirashun , even tho there delivery is soooo much quicker then dischord — ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) November 18, 2012
omg i literaly JUSTT instaled a new basket ball hoop n guy came over n hung upsidedown on it n it broke !!! smh #showoff #sports
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) November 12, 2012
i wish the police had a direct # to call wen u see teens smokin pot cigaretes . 911 iz not fast enuff #sxe #emergency — ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) January 3, 2013
who r u guyz votin 4 dis yeer ??? i wish jello biafra wuz runnin ! hed prolly make every1 ride zebras 2 work or sumthin ROFL!! #politics
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) August 17, 2012
soooo weird that 1 tyme i sed DONT FUCK in a song & all these #sxe nerds didnt hav sex for years lololol looosers smh
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) July 31, 2012
omg i kno we dont do merch but how coool wud it b 2 hav a shirt that sez KEEP CALM AND LISTEN TO FUGAZI #bestideaever!!!
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) October 2, 2012
when i wuz onstage wit FEAR at SNL thaat wuz the best eppisode..oh wate i 4got abowt Spartin chear leeders!! Lololol soooo gud #perfectcheer
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) September 12, 2012
omgggg i hav 1000 followerz??? thats more ppl than evr saw egg hunt lolol — ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) August 4, 2012
#WaysToPissMeOff goin 2 my showz 2 drink, stagedive, take piktures,ask abowt merch, do drugz, sneeze, clap too loud, not clap loud enuf…
— ♥ ~*iAn_mAckaYe*~ ♥ (@oWtuvStEp143) September 3, 2012
Asked for his reaction, the real Ian MacKaye declined to comment, saying “I didn’t know a thing about this Twitter feed, which shouldn’t be much of a surprise since I don’t really pay any attention to Twitter and the like.”