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Honoring the best and the worst of Saturday’s Sweetlife Festival at Merriweather Post Pavilion
Most Glaring Statistic: Approximately 98 percent of attendees were white (margin of error: 2)
Most Glaring Statistic, Runner Up: Attendees’ average age (19)
Worst Idea: During her set, Solange implored people to start grinding, saying she wanted to turn this into a “high school dance party.”
Number of Justin Bieber doppelgangers on the lawn: 2
Most Jarring Reminder We Were in Columbia, Md.: When Kendrick Lamar asked who wanted to go back with him to Compton, to the furious cheers of the drunken suburban hoards.
Worst Acoustics: Lamar, whose thoughtful lyrics were swallowed by an echo throughout his set.
Best Surprisingly Good Cover: Solange’s rendition of “I Could Fall In Love (With You)” by fellow Texan Selena, whom Beyoncé‘s little sister has said she loved as a kid.
Best George Costanza Moment: When merchandise-booth volunteers shoved people out of the tent, scrambling for shelter during a sudden afternoon thunderstorm. One yelled, “If you have beer, you’re clearly not a volunteer!”
Best Pete Seeger Song Title for Environmental Conditions After the Deluge: “Waist Deep in the Big Muddy”
Most Popular Festival Attire (women): Cutoff mom jeans and a tube top
Most Popular Festival Attire (men): Tattoos, neon sunglasses
Most Egregious Waste of Talent: Blues guitarist Gary Clark Jr., whose confident renditions of “Don’t Owe You a Thang” and “If You Love Me Like You Say” were lost on the crowd that just seemed to be passing time before Passion Pit went on.
Best ’80s Time Warp: Brooklyn band Haerts, whose moody synthesizer and intense lead singer Nini Fabi (who channels Stevie Nicks in both fashion and vocals) turned back the hands of time at the Treehouse Stage.
Grossest Commercial Pandering: The Chubbies shorts sold onsite and a promotional game of Cornhole
Only Person at Sweetlife (and on Earth?) Who Can Look Sexy In a Neon Yellow Matador Coat: Karen O
Best Shoulda-Been Headliner: The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (instead of Phoenix), and give them as many encores as they want (recommendation: a repeat performance of “Heads Will Roll”)
Fanciest Festival Food: Toki Underground and a farmer’s market with fresh strawberries
Best Reason to Drink Local: DC Brau and Flying Dog cost $6.75; Corona and Budweiser cost $9.
Most Consistent Characteristic of Pot Smoke in the Air: Velvety
Least Fun “Fun Facts”: The “Fun Facts” that were posted by the women’s bathroom helpfully informed us that Merriweather Post Pavilion was once a farm in the 19th century.
Worst Time to Use the Bathroom: Anytime after 3 p.m., at which point peeing ceased to be a dignified experience
Best Overheard Comment: “I mean, I’ve heard of the autobahn. I just don’t know where it is.”
Number of Women Laughing Alone With Salad At the Salad Chain-Sponsored Music Festival: One (me)
Photo by Erica Bruce. More photos in the gallery.