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in which the author discusses five books he’d read, if time permitted.

1. Signifying Rappers, by David Foster Wallace and Mark Costello
It’s nice to see white intellectuals taking on hip-hop, just like it’s nice to see narcissistic dads deign to put down their Smartphones to give their daughters bad advice about shooting free throws at the playground. Sure, the dads/intellectuals don’t really know what they’re talking about, but at least they’re taking an interest.

2. Report from Planet Midnight, by Nalo Hopkinson
This scyfy looks really intimidating, like the work of Ursula K. Le Guin, but no pain means no gain.

3. Open Water Swimming Manual: An Expert’s Survival Guide for Triathletes and Open Water Swimmers, by Lynne Cox
I’ve been trying to improve my elementary backstroke lately. The whole “chicken-airplane-soldier” thing isn’t really working out for me, so I’m going to the experts.

4. Ava Gardner: The Secret Conversations, by Peter Evans and Ava Gardner
The 2040 equivalent of this book is “Kirsten Dunst: The Secret Conversations.” Just sayin’.

5. Today is the Last Day of the Rest of Your Life, by Ulli Lust, translated by Kim Thompson
Graphic novel/memoir (graphic memoir?) of the author’s trip from Naples to Sicily. The last time I took that trip, it was in a sweaty van with a lesbian saxophonist, but that’s another story.