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On our warming planet, winter as we once knew it has begun to wane. The lead-up to humanity’s demise is likely to involve unseasonal heat waves that melt your soul punctuated by devastating ice storms that freeze any hope of survival.
Will you accept your fate, allowing the tempestuous skies to batter your limbic system, torment your soul, and release their bowels on your tropical vacation plans? Or will you metal up, conjure the snow demon, and enter the Nevermore with a blizzard at your back?
Consider these six songs by D.C.-area metal artists as soundtracks for your Yeti-like battle cries in praise of True Winter.
Winter is God’s foot on your neck as he tries to learn doom riffs on a detuned thrift-shop guitar He borrowed from Jesus, the first shredder. “This depression is killing me.”
Wrnlrd, “Moonlight Ride”
What else is there to do when the roads are slick with ice, your tires are bald, and the fog is so thick you can no longer see ghosts? Drive straight into the abyss.
Pig Destroyer, “The Diplomat”
It’s always winter in Washington because of the cold-hearted politicians. Am I right folks?
Drugs of Faith, “Insanity”
Work sucks, Metro blows, and you get to do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and again, forever. It’s a treadmill of sadness, and you’re the fastest runner.
Misery Index, “The Carrion Call”
Gaia is tired of SUV patriots doing burnouts on her womb, so sometimes she lets loose with mass destruction so that she can be reborn.
Darkest Hour, “Love Is a Weapon”
Even the gravest metalhead sometimes prays for redemption to a deity who isn’t there. But the void can only be filled with love. And jams.