Not only was last week’s Super Bowl a snooze in its own right, but it was downright dangerous for Washingtonians. That’s because, by delaying a new episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac, we missed out on an important warning: someone thought it would be a good idea to give manners matriarch Karen control of an airplane.
Karen wants to learn how to fly a plane. Fortunately for us, Karen’s definition of flying a plane apparently consists of going on one flight with an actual pilot and mooning over hunky flight instructors.
But first, she’ll bless the plane with holy water:
The less said about this plot, the better. If Karen really does become a stunt pilot, though, I want to hear about it.
As predicted last episode, Gizelle‘s philandering ex-husband Jamal rules. Get a load of this guy, chilling at Georgetown’s Farmers Fishers Bakers with his kids and ex-wife:
After Gizelle drinks from his glass, Jamal ponders whether he’ll catch a disease from her. He’s too cool for school! And too cool for Potomac, which is why he lives in Baltimore.
Each of our Housewives has a bit of Miss Havisham in her, and Katie‘s great expectation is that she desperately wants to get married. As has been explored exhaustively in previous episodes, though, purported “eligible bachelor” boyfriend Andrew isn’t thrilled with the idea. Andrew’s commitment issues didn’t stop Katie and her kids from moving in with him. Without a ring, though, Katie has to find some other way to establish herself in the house.
When Andrew goes on a trip, Katie hires contractors to change his exercise room from this:
What is this? Let’s consider the clues. Katie calls it a room where she can be “girly.” There are a lot of pictures of her kids on the wall, plus a bar mitzvah-style photo collage board on an easel. And there’s a desk and a mirror that initially look like they’re for make-up, but clearly aren’t.
Predictably, Andrew isn’t thrilled to see Katie’s biological clock made manifest in his house. But Katie has a plan to make sure her madness room stays that way. More on that later.
Meanwhile, newcomer Ashley has been Ask Jeevesing about her new “pals” and found out that Robyn made a pretty hefty bankruptcy filing. News of Ashley’s snooping trickles back to Robyn, who won’t be thrilled when she finds out about it.
But first, Ashley is planning her “Big Kitty” birthday party at Georgetown’s L2 Lounge. Apparently, “Big Kitty” is code for “Island of Doctor Moreau“:
You might think this would be too wild a scene for Karen’s husband Ray—”the black Bill Gates”—whose style trends towards Jos. A. Bank. But you’d be wrong! Ray rolls up to the bar and asks for “the usual”, a multiple-rum cocktail called “voodoo juice.”
Ray still knows how to party. But Karen and Ray are dismayed to find out that Ashley’s party has a cash bar. This isn’t as petty as it seems—if you’re rich enough to pay for human beings to be painted into tigers, you can probably spring for the open bar.
Elsewhere at the party, Katie makes out with Andrew just far enough away from his face that we can see each tongue flick:
All the voodoo juice in the world won’t be enough for Ray after this.
Meanwhile, Ashley arrives with real estate tycoon husband Michael, who looks a little too into the theme:
The Housewives settle their bankruptcy beef with record speed and maturity. Ashley drives off into the night with her birthday present from Michael—a sports car with the trunk open (?).