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Welcome back to Real Housewives of Potomac, where we find Karen organizing a couples boat party to show how to really entertain Potomac-style. But first: self-defense class. 

Ashley and husband Michael—whose reality TV ambitions were the subject of a must-read profile in the Post last week—are auditioning assistants for their kangaroo-themed restaurant in Clarendon. It’s all really professional, with interviewees asked about their wildest experience.

“I had some fun…in the alleyway…in D.C.” says one candidate.

You know, The Alleyway!

Meanwhile, Charrisse and Robyn meet up to compare notes on their failing relationships with former NBA players. The news here that Charrisse at last wants to divorce her husband—a development that offers the prospect of the increasingly daffy Charrisse in the dating market.

Karen’s couples-only boat trip represents a dilemma for Charrisse and Robyn. But for our other housewives, it represents opportunity.

Wedding-hungry Katie, for example, took a break from her campaign for a ring this episode to focus on her other passion: raising money for Jukt Micronics, er, the Rost Foundation. Despite her family nonprofit previously consisting almost entirely of a few thousand dollars in donations from her mother, Katie now aims to raise $100,000 with one event. Karen, who no doubt knows how to look up IRS 990 forms, declines to help.

For Gizelle, the couples party is a chance to find a date and get over her divorce from flashy pastor Jamal. For her next relationship, she goes in the opposite direction, with this guy:

It’s Herman, a former state delegate from Montgomery County. Despite once being a prominent official in Maryland, Herman is scared of raw oysters. At the top of this post, you can see Herman unsuccessfully trying to kiss Gizelle by saying she has “something on her face.” Unsurprisingly, Gizelle isn’t sure he’s tough enough for her.

“I need a little edge,” Gizelle says. “Just tell me you spent one night in jail, and then we’re good”

On that count, Gizelle can rest easy—Herman got a DWI in 2009.

(Curiously, as this episode aired, a Maryland entertainment law firm implied that they had pulled some strings to get Herman on this date.)

It’s time for the big boat trip, which is intended as a rebuke to Michael and Ashley for not having an open bar at her birthday party. But Michael doesn’t care:

 

Coincidentally, that’s also the face I make whenever Michael is on screen. While most of our characters are either too busy social striving or relationship hunting, Michael is just a comically rich dude amused to find himself in this situation. He grew up expecting nothing more than dingo burgers, and now, once the show’s over, he’ll go back to playing helicopter polo with Douglas Jemal. In the meantime: let’s wear pirate hats to Karen’s fancy boat party!

“I love the fact that Michael is loaded, and I love the fact that he knows how to have fun,” Karen says.

But Karen soon doesn’t like quite how “loaded” Michael is later, when, wine glass in hand, he tries to strip down to his swimsuit and dive into filthy harbor water:

“We black, Ashley,” says Gizelle. “Black people don’t do this.”

“But he’s not!” Ashley says.

Gizelle has a reason to be in a bad mood. Karen has wisely decided to trade in her manners scold role for more of a “wild card” thing, so when she meets Herman, she asks whether he’s “Mr. Miami.” That’s not Pitbull, presumably, but another Gizelle suitor who isn’t Herman.

“My dating doesn’t just stop in Miami,” Gizelle says. “I’m national, international, world-wide, baby.”

Next week: Ashley takes the ladies to her beach house, where they pursue the show’s strangest subplot: whether Katie was slipped a drug that time she made out at Ashley’s birthday party. So far, so girls night, but someone shows up to throw a didgeridoo in the gears:

Michael!