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Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Potomac. We find our heroines trapped in Ashley‘s Bethany Beach hovel, which only has five bedrooms. But first: what is Karen eating?

It looks like steak, but if it is steak, it’s comically red! Does Karen only eat steak as cold as her heart? In an effort to figure out what piece of meat Karen is eating—and why—I have collected some photographic evidence. Consider:

Is it a fish? Leave your guesses in the comments!

Before Karen’s feast, though, the gals continue their passive-aggressive “Sister Circle” sesh from last week. Robyn talks about being grifted by a friend. That’s an awkward moment not only for alleged fraudster Brynee but for Ashley, who was cackling about Robyn’s bankruptcy a few episodes ago.

The least sisterly moment of Sister Circle is still to come, though. Gizelle again asks Katie what she was up to at Ashley’s birthday party, when Katie and her boyfriend all but conceived a child on the couch next to Karen‘s poor husband Ray.

“You say you were clean?” says Gizelle, who’s convinced Katie was rolling face or something.

“Maybe we weren’t acting very clean,” Katie says.

Gizelle’s weird drug insinuations are apparently too much for the other housewives. All this shade has blotted out the sun! The other Housewives turn on her. Brynee handily convinces Katie to stand up for herself, almost like Brynee has experience manipulating people.

Even Karen has had too much—and she’s the queen. Just ask her hat.

The fight over Katie’s tonguing ends with a trip to a Western-themed photo shoot (?) and Katie throwing some jabs of her own.

“I didn’t ask you why you feel the need to have multiple sex partners,” she tells Gizelle. “Or why you’re walking around in lingerie and having sex with people in lobbies.”

What?! This all goes totally unexplained. Whatever it is, though, it’s not enough to stop Gizelle from wearing more lingerie out in public. As Ashley plots a trip to a gay bar, Gizelle reveals her perfect outfit.

“I think the gays at the gay bar will love that,” she says.

“They don’t really give a shit about what you look like,” Robyn counters.

At the pre-gay bar dinner, Karen brings up the topic that Katie both loves and hates: why boyfriend Andrew hasn’t proposed yet. Katie says he’s planning something; Karen looks very convinced.

Or maybe that’s the face of raw meat poisoning! Meanwhile, Ashley talks up her sweet prenup to rich District developer husband Michael.

“I feel as though I made it to the end of the rainbow, and he’s my big pot of gold,” Ashley says.

The women head to a gay bar, where it’s all non-sexual grinding on men until a drag queen says they look like they’re from Southeast D.C. Charrisse holds up her impressive wedding ring: “Does this look like it’s Southeast?”

But wait, who’s that coming through the twinks and bears? Is it—could it be? It’s Michael!

Raise the roof! But Karen and Gizelle are angry that Michael has come to crash the end of the girl’s weekend by staying in his own house.

Ashley, who rules, tells them that she doesn’t care. As the women argue on the curb, Michael looks ready to make some new friends.

Back at the house, there’s a whole lot of fake drama that Michael says he doesn’t understand.

“This is why you don’t take in your strays,” Karen says of Ashley. “They piss all over your carpet anyway.”

Karen and Gizelle storm up to bed, while everyone else has a good time playing beer pong with a loaded Australian real estate magnate. We should all be so lucky. 

Next week: Ashley, Karen, and their husbands go golfing and argue about whether Michael is a peeping Tom.

“I don’t need you seeing my wife in skimpy outfits!” fumes Ray.

Reader, I don’t buy this. From their consistently dazed looks to their love of boozing, Ray and Michael are clearly meant to be best friends.