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Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Potomac, where our heroines are still reeling from a man’s decision to visit his own house. But first: is Gizelle the next Paul Mitchell?

Gizelle has decided to launch a make-up formula for women of color. As Karen is more than happy to point out, this isn’t exactly an original idea. But it’s a good excuse for the ladies to go to the Park at 14th nightclub, put on make-up, and absolutely light each other up over the Bethany Beach Incident.

Karen is still steamed that Ashley‘s husband Michael crashed the final hours of their “girls’ weekend” at Michael’s house. Even Gizelle’s make-up won’t solve this fight. Karen introduces her own, decidedly 19th-century solution: asking their men to settle the fight in a game of golf.

“I hope Michael is the more reasonable side of this relationship,” Karen says of a man who once tried to dive into a river during her party.

Kal—Gizelle’s crony, hair stylist, and accomplice in crab murder—bears a silent witness.   


But someone is missing from the make-up party. Of course! It’s America’s most at-ease couple…

Katie and Andrew! On this week’s episode of The Talented Ms. Rost, Katie shelves the delusional idea to raise $100,000 for her not-so-impressive foundation by postponing the party.

“While others are having focus groups to talk about make-up, I’m doing real work,” Katie says.

Katie’s “real work” is emceeing a swimsuit fashion show. Also on this episode, Katie assures us that Andrew “definitely holds it down in the bedroom.”

It’s time for the paragraph where I summarize Robyn and Charisse‘s stories. Robyn is still in love with her sort of ex-husband, and it’s weird! Charisse has no similar regrets about her own looming divorce, meanwhile, and has decided that this “new chapter” in her life requires her to finally learn how to swim in her backyard pool.

While Charisse is splashing around, there’s a shark in the Potomac water: Karen! The grand dame of Potomac wants to have a big party to raise money for Alzheimer’s research in honor of her late mother-in-law.

Husband Ray is a stick in the mud—he doesn’t think his mother’s recent death should be an occasion for Karen to show up her frenemies. Karen soldiers through, throwing some truly acid looks at anyone who stands in her way. 

Little Karen on the right is Eny, who as Karen’s personal assistant holds both the D.C. area’s most pointless job and its most scrutinized. Here she and Karen react to the news, delivered by a hapless flower salesman, that they can’t have cherry blossoms for the party because they aren’t in bloom.

Eny, who combines the ferocity of Karen with the competence of no one else on this show, insists that they can ship cherry blossoms or something.

“It has to be possible,” Eny says.

They go with roses instead. At the eventual party at Karen’s house, Katie isn’t wowed by its scale.

“I cannot believe that Karen is calling this a gala and that she’s having it in her living room,” Katie says. “I am very unimpressed.”

Sorry, Alzheimer’s patients! Somehow, Katie isn’t even the Housewife who gets on Karen’s nerves. Instead, that honor goes to Ashley, who gripes that Karen doesn’t want Ashley hanging out with her teenage daughter. At least Ray shows up with a huge bottle of champagne.

“That’s what I would do if I was the ‘Black Bill Gates,'” one Housewives enthusiast says of Ray’s magnum. “The real Bill Gates is a fucking nerd.”

Next week, Gizelle’s children demand she gets a boyfriend, apparently unaware of rumored lover Mr. Miami. Michael squeezes Andrew’s butt at a party, somehow setting off yet another Potomac fight about being biracial.

At least we have Ray considering his empty-nester options to look forward to.