For the discerning online dater, The Sexist delivers your daily picks of the Craigslist litter.

Misc Romance: WHERE HAVE ALL THE COUGARS GONE???????????????????????????????????????

A: 30 S: m4w L: Capitol Heights, MD/P.G. County

First Impression: Inquisitive. “Did they all move to another planet, or perhaps their own private island somewhere??? It seems like you always here about Cougars, yet where are they at???”

Endearing Quirk: An old-fashioned sensibility. “NOTE: I will NOT respond to any gmail email addresses, so don’t waste your time.”

Heart-to-Heart: Knows what he wants. “Not overly concerned about looks . . . A picture would also be appreciated, since you have already seen mine.”

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Strictly Platonic: Wanted: Gay Man to Hang Out With My Girlfriend

A: 33 S: “w4m” [technically, m4m] L: Washington, D.C.

First Impression: Sporty sweetheart. “Now that football season is upon us, I will not be able to spend as much time with my girlfriend as she would like.”

Experimental Streak: Str8 bois need not apply. “What I’m looking for is a gay man to spend Sundays with my woman until the Superbowl is over. I don’t mean to discriminate against you straight men but, quite frankly, I don’t really trust you. Besides, you’ll probably be watching football, too.”

Heart-to-Heart: Sick of the run-around. “Serious replies only.”

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Missed Connections: You asked why your pants were wet on Saturday morning

A: 25 S: m4m L: Adams Morgan

First Impression: Met cute. “So we met on Friday night. I was a drunken mess…so I have no idea how it happened. But I asked you and you said it was at Duplex Diner.”

Fashion Plate: Details, details, details. “[Y]ou asked me why your pants were wet…but I had no idea.”

Heart to Heart: A good listener. “Maybe your name was Thomas? I think that’s what you told me when I asked.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery