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I find American Apparel to be generally obnoxious on the sex front. I think they have obnoxiously sexual advertising, an obnoxiously sexual CEO, and obnoxiously sexual socks. Often, I silently curse American Apparel’s sexy ways, only to look down and find my very own body obnoxiously swathed in an entire outfit from American Apparel. Curse you, you sweatshop-free, vertically integrated, irresistibly sexy clothing company.

One upside of AA’s sex-obsessed culture is its generous offering of sexy niche magazines. Alongside their sexy fanny packs and sexier dog t-shirts, American Apparel stocks reads like Butt: The Homosexual Quarterly and Girls Like Us: A Lesbian Quarterly. But(t) at around $10 each, these quarterlies don’t come cheap—-twenty bucks? That’ll almost buy you a leg of a Nylon Tricot High-Waisted Zipper Pant! If you can only have one, check out The Sexist‘s roundup of their fall issues. (Note: The AA Butt is from Autumn 2008; the GLU, strangely, is from 2007).

Cover ModelsGLU: Edgwige Belmore, “a jack-of many trades: ex-actress, ex-model, ex-singer, ex-junkie, ex-cabaretiere, Hindu devotee, flower arranger and decor stylist extraordinaite—-but above all—-a very glamorous lesbian and cult icon.” [Plus 10] – Butt: Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters, “the most adorable gay pop star in the word . . . I completely forgot to ask Jake about the band or a possible upcoming album, but we did talk about musicals.” [Plus 5]

“In This Issue” Excuse:GLU: “features our usual eclectic dose of interviews pictures and archive material to put a wry smile on your face. This issue is almost entirely composed of random lesbianalia which found its way to Amsterdam via the internet” [Minus 1] – Butt: “Hey, we decided to take a leap and make this a super super super accelerated issue of BUTT magazine with lots and lots of hot pictures and other stuff to masturbate or finger-fuck on. It’s a sexed-up BUTT on speed.” [Plus 1]

Genitalia Pictured:GLU: Zero [Even] – Butt: 24 penises—-17 photographed [Minus 10], seven sketched by deceased pop artist Keith Haring [Plus 20]

American Apparel Ad Count: – GLU: one [Minus 1] – Butt: one [Minus 1]

Unnecessary Exposure in American Apparel Ads:GLU: one, a female nipple [Minus 1] – Butt: one, a male testicle [Minus 1,000]

It’s a close one, but last year’s Girls Like Us, with seven points, just edges out Butt, with negative 985.