For the discerning online dater, picks from the Craigslist litter.
Missed Connections: Fierce Jorts on U St.
L: U Street
First Impression: No, not you … the other one in the jorts. “You: strolling down U st. with your friend on Saturday night. You were both wearing fantastic pairs of jean shorts.”
About Me: No different from everyone else who spotted you in those jorts. “Me: too intimidated to tell you how fierce your jorts were. They were.”
Heart to Heart: Jorts fantasy nonsexual. “You should wear them…all the time.”
Strictly Platonic: Beautiful ladies of the DMV Let’s Hang!!!
L: D.C., Maryland, and Virginia
First Impression: Get in line. “Beautiful ladies of the DMV if you know how to carry yourself, can distinguish trashy from classy and are attractive and professional then we should be BFF’s!”
Just Not That Into You: Looks still important. “Just be STRAIGHT and the TOTAL PACKAGE…’cause at 5’5 36-24-36, I know I am!!!! . . . Confidence is a MUST so lets trade e-mails and our pretty pics and hang out and make the men drool!”
Heart to Heart: Serious about that DMV. “NO NOT RESPOND IF . . . You do not have a car.”
Misc. Romance: An Anonymous Kiss
L: D.C. Metro Area
First Impression: Long time kisser, first-time poster. “I want to try something different. . . . We will have never seen each other before, and we will never see each other again. We will not have exchanged pictures. Other than a few emails, we will be total strangers. . . . We’ll embrace and kiss. Make out with each other. Get lost in the moment.”
Need Not Apply: Clingy kiss and tells. “I’m not looking for a relationship.”
Heart to Heart: Puts the “on and on” in anonymous. “I can tell you that I’m tall, slender, healthy, and clean. Reddish-blond hair. Blue eyes. No beer gut. No facial hair. Nothing contagious. Although perhaps a bit of a bad boy at heart, I’m also educated, polished, and professional. I’ve been told multiple times that I’m a good kisser, and I’ve also been told that I’m pretty cute. If we’re going to do this, you should be able to tell me some similar things about yourself, and your description should be accurate. You don’t have to be single, but I don’t want to know the details. You don’t have to be exactly my type (whatever that means) because, who knows, I may not be exactly your type either. But I also don’t want to kiss a troll, and I can promise you that I am definitely not one myself. Just be honest so there are no disappointments.