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8:50 P.M. It’s on, ya’ll. Prepare your televisions, fire up your Internets, and ready your drinks.
8:58 P.M. What is the best network to watch the debates on? A haggard-looking Chris Matthews is babbling away on MSNBC.
9:00 P.M. Gwen Ifill lays it down. Half domestic, half foreign policy. Chosen by Ifill. Order by coin toss. No “untoward outbursts.” None of this free-flowing Lehrer shit.
9:03 P.M. Can I call you Joe!?
9:05 P.M. Biden’s fundamental disagreement—-they’re “fundamentally changing” the focus on the economy.
9:06 P.M. Soccer games?! What happened to the hockey mom? Reaching out to the contiguous moms!
9:07 P.M. Politics aside, country first, common sense, last.
9:08 P.M. A whole team of MAVERICKS! Drink. Hard.
9:09 P.M. Darn right, it was the predator lenders. Are you listening, Ben Eason?
9:12 P.M. Oh Joey at the local gas station—-you represent all of us.
9:13 P.M. LIES! Government will have to learn to live with less—-less experience, less accountability. That’s the Palin promise.
9:14 P.M. Watch out, Straight Talk Express coming through. Does a tax record in Alaska really count? Don’t they get money from the government over there?
9:16 P.M. Biden says those listening are the economic integrity of the United States. That’s me, fuckers!
9:17 P.M. Anti-government, Governor?
9:18 P.M. Oh, Biden. Keep your chuckling down.
9:20 P.M. Oooh—-(Freudian?) Barack Obama/John McCain slip.
9:21 P.M. Bridge to Barack/Biden! Booyah!
9:22 P.M. Biden! Keep the rambling nonsense down!
9:23 P.M. BTW, John McCain doesn’t flip-flop. Also, any of that greed that’s been, I guess, instrumental, wasn’t going to happen in Alaska. Bless their hearts, though. But oh god, at least she can think of some specific names. Gwen Iffil is no Katie Couric, it seems.
9:24 P.M. Palin hasn’t promised a lot … except to attack Pakistan.
9:25 P.M. “This is something that John McCain supported,” Ifill clues in. Nice neutral move. Obviously, Palin says she would have supported, too.
9:28 P.M. Palin: I disagree, but I can’t say why because I don’t have time. I only have time to talk about my “record” of living on “Main Street” and helping you “relate” to me.
9:30 P.M. Ifill needs to get some Lehrer into her and call Palin on her question-hijacking bullshit. Biden can’t do it, then he’d be “condescending.”
9:31 P.M. It truly is a special time when we’re seeing sprawling, era-long climate changes within our lifetime because of the Earth’s natural changes, which happen all the time but could never support the changes explained by evolution.
9:33 P.M. DRILL BABY DRILL! Oh thank G*d Sarah Palin for saying that. Thank you.
9:34 P.M. Half an hour in—-Palin’s avoiding and lying, but she’s doing okay. Biden’s maintaining, too. Bring out the fireworks, people? We love you both for your flaws!
9:35 P.M. Gwen Ifill is fair and balanced, but boooring.
9:37 P.M. Here we go! Social issues! Get the gays away from Palin’s First Dude!
9:38 P.M. Palin supports hospital visits, contract between parties—-that’s progressive indeed. Good job, Barack Obama and Joe Biden for agreeing with them—-NO GAY MARRIAGE. Weak.
9:39 P.M. The surge has worked, bringing us back to pre-surge numbers. Huh?
9:41 P.M. Palin says finishing a war is a surrender. Eh, who cares. Get the fuck out.
9:43 P.M. BIDEN’S GRIN melts my heart!
9:44 P.M. John McCain missed like 700 years of history. Whoops. Don’t worry, dude—-Biden still loves you.
9:45 P.M. Saying John McCain is “dead wrong” is a bit touchy, no?
9:47 P.M. On to Pakistan—-schools not bombs. Thanks Biden for a real answer.
9:48 P.M. Kissinger did well in his Palin foreign leader primer! Ahmadinejad! Say it again! Say it!
9:49 P.M. “OUR” RESPECT FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS?
9:51 P.M. Stop saying McCain/Palin administration. It makes me want to stock up on contraception.
9:52 P.M. Ok, 9:52. What the hell is Palin talking about? Change? Have you guys just been cribbing from the Obama playbook? You’re not saying anything! Your cheeky sighs will not tempt me, Governor!
9:56 P.M. “Nucular” weaponry would be the end to “too many parts of our planet.” How many parts of our planet are too many?
9:57 P.M. A commenter says Palin is amping up her IQ tonight. I think she’s finally learned how to bullshit a little bit.
9:58 P.M. You can put lipstick on a Joe Biden and . . . maybe he’d steal a little bit more attention. I feel like the whole debate is just waiting for what crazy thing Palin is going to come out with.
9:59 P.M. I like how Palin addresses her “points” toward Biden—-Biden’s “Gwen” schtick is getting a little tiresome, especially since Ifill’s pretty much sitting back on this one.
10:01 P.M. Commenter says actually, Biden’s looking at Palin, but that the camera is pointed strangely. In the wide shot, though, it looks like her eyes are on him, and his are on Ifill.
10:03 P.M. “Oh, man, it’s so obvious I’m a Washington outsider!” Yeah, but she’s got the smugness already.
10:04 P.M. Hmm, if she called for divestment from funding in Sudan and the legislation hasn’t passed yet, you know, she probably does know a little bit about Washington. Maybe Palin’s forgetting that “Washington” rears its head in Wasilla, too.
10:06 P.M. The pundits don’t start tomorrow morning, Palin. We’re live-blogging this!
10:07 P.M. The heartbeat cliche! Ifill asks them about their presidencies—-as if Palin didn’t appear to be running for President, anyway.
10:09 P.M. Palin denies that “that would ever happen!” to ye olde John McCain. Oh, you maverick, how your possible presidency is so completely unpredictable and scary.
10:10 P.M. Joe Biden spends a lot of time in Home Depot. How many sprawling Scranton dollhouses must you construct in your lifetime, Joe Biden.
10:11 P.M. Doggonit, I’ll be hogswallowed up in this hooten and holler, all this Bush Administration hogwashin has got my winkin’ grandmother all a-tussle. SCHOOLKID SHOUTOUT!
10:12 P.M. If Sarah Palin can say “shoutout” during a vice presidential debate, even I could be vice president. Tight.
10:13 P.M. Sarah Palin thinks the Vice President should get more power? President of the Senate my ass, I want to be dictator.
10:15 P.M. Biden can offer advice; Palin can offer a figurehead. How valuable is that after this campaign?
10:16 P.M. Cheney most dangerous Vice President in American History—-pwned, Dick!
10:17 P.M. I think we’re all worried about how Tina Fey will approach this one.
10:18 P.M. Alaska is a huge state but it’s full of wolves! Wolves! Wolves.
10:19 P.M. Palin tries to push the middle class, Main Street persona with her little wink. Nice job pissing on the pure Alaskan snow that is Biden’s middle-class cred!
10:20 P.M. At commenter—-this blog is an anti-feminist blog only since Sarah Palin identified herself as a feminist.
10:21 P.M. Joe Biden—-your own life story is so much better than ol’ Johnny’s at the gas store.
10:22 P.M. Oh Joe Biden has a touching life story too? Well, Palin’s a maverick. A maverick! McCain, too.
10:23 P.M. Ah yes, the “diverse background” of the Republican party. Like, we got a former Democrat. Lieberman.
10:24 P.M. Biden’s getting pissed! Thank you! Biden wraps it up with a sad-to-angry tour-de-force! Also, I still think about Mel Gibson when I hear “maverick.” You haven’t totally stolen it from Gibson, John McCain.
10:25 P.M. Biden again brings up Supreme Court. “It matters what your judicial philosophy is,” he says. What if you don’t know any court cases? That’s Main Street.
10:26 P.M. Palin keeps calling Alaska “up there.” Yeah, yeah Palin’s from Alaska. Does anyone in the 48 states have a romantic vision of Alaska?
10:27 P.M. Palin walks walk, talks talk, reads . . . something.
10:29 P.M. Palin likes being able to speak to the public without the filtering of the MSM. I think she means the McCain campaign.
10:30 P.M. Proud to be Americans, have to fight for our freedoms. Yadda yadda. But her family is “diverse”? Huh?
10:31 P.M. Hmm, Palin quotes Reagan on “extinction.” Does Palin even believe in extinction??
10:32 P.M. Biden and Palin shake hands. She tries to walk away pretty quick, he keeps the handshake going.
10:33 P.M. My god the WHOLE FAMILY IS HERE! The whole, “diverse” family. Note to Palin: I know, like, tons of babysitters.
10:34 P.M. Okay, debate’s over. Joe Biden’s giving the shoulder rub. Palin looks uncomfortable with this post-war chattin’.
10:35 P.M. First dude cleans up!
10:36 P.M. My god, I can’t get over it—-she’s surrounded with children. Diverse, white Alaskan children.
10:38 P.M. Gaffe attack—-Brokaw says Palin misstates number of troops in Iraq, name of general in Afghanistan, name-checks Civil War General McClellan.
10:40 P.M. All in all—-nobody really fucked up. I wanted my NASCAR race.
10:41 P.M. Geraldine Ferraro on MSNBC want her grandchildren to be able to look at Palin as an example as a strong female candidate. What about you, Ferraro!
10:42 P.M. Exxon commercial on MSNBC!
10:43 P.M. I would give the firstborn child I never plan to have to know what Hillary Clinton thinks about this.
10:45 P.M. Now, Palin and Biden are done. Now, the pundits take over.
10:49 P.M. Pundits call Palin “home-spun,” “direct,” compare her to Ronald Reagan. Fuck this, I’m going to bed. Thanks for following along!