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Return to Sender: Press Release From ADULTVEST, INC., entitled: “iPorn Purchases”

Promotional Info I’m Not Interested In [crossed out]: is very pleased to announce they have acquired the domain name in a private sale. iPorn Executive Producer Porno Dan Leal had this to say, “When I heard that we were going to buy I was ecstatic. We have already shot nearly 40 exclusive hand job scenes and I can’t wait to shoot hundreds more.”

Exhibit A: Also not interested in: Calls for contributors. “Leal further stated that both performers and fans have already begun submitting applications to perform with their favorite stars. ‘ is a fun filled way for fans to have the chance to win something they will always remember. We anticipate launching the new in early 2009 with over 100 exclusive scenes.'”

Exhibit B: Note to iPorn/handjob: Please refrain from reminding me that porn actors are creepily under same demands as overworked journos. Says Leal, “When I told (iPorn Director) Rick Shameless we were going to be shooting a hand job a day, he shook his head and said, ‘Even one an hour is not nearly enough to cover the demand!'”

I Rest My Case: Fwded to The Onion.