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For the discerning online dater, daily picks from the Craigslist litter.
Strictly Platonic: Will you accompany me to a Viennese Waltz Ball in November?
L: “Washington & vicinity”
First Impression: Only the finest Internet trolls need apply. “I’m looking for an experienced dancer to accompany me to an elegant ball in November.”
In Search Of: A Clooney. “Anglo-Saxon or European background highly desirable. To keep a proper proportion you would need to be at least 5’9″ tall, complement my Parisian blue gown by being willing to wear a tux, be single between the ages 38-48. Please have a positive disposition, ability to intelligently converse, be cultured and a gentleman.”
Heart to Heart: Too good to be true. “Cheers, Gigi”
Missed Connections: Disney in March
First Impression: “I saw U at Disney World on the monorail. You were with your mom helping her wiht her walker. We talked.”
Memorable Features: Stands out from the regular Disney crowd. “I had brown hair and brown eyes.”
Heart-to-Heart: Seven months later, still misses the connection. “I thought you looked nice.”
Misc. Romance: I’ve got no soul to sell
First Impression: Nearly as interesting as a robot-generated Spam e-mail. “I can be shy but I also have a great sense of humor. I like a good laugh and spending time with friends and family. I like going out but also love staying in and watching a good DVD.”
Extracurricular Activities: When pressed, describes self as “unique.” “I’ve got a wide variety of interests and find it hard to put myself as a ‘type.'”
Heart to Heart: Finally. “When I win the lottery I plan to travel the world and bring home a dragon or unicorn.”
Photo by Darrow Montgomery