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For the discerning online dater, picks from the Craigslist litter.
Missed Connections: Saw you on 17th St, then the Diner
A: Unreported
S: w4w
L: Dupont, Adams Morgan
First Impression: Group effort. ” You: Short dark hair, black hoodie. Walking down the street with some guy. Us: Three brunettes. “
Fantasy Fulfillment: Better smoker than straight. ” One stopped mid-sentence to stare out the window as she realized you were the same person we stared at earlier, now outside smoking with that guy. Then we thought we saw you make out a little bit. Or maybe you were just lighting your cigarette. Either way, we were bummed you were still with that guy. Awkward.”
Heart to Heart: We have ways of making you bi. “But then, he put you in a cab and sent you on your way. And we vowed to write a missed connection, since if you didn’t go home with him, there’s a chance maybe you’d want to hang out some time. With any of us. Or all of us.”
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Casual Encounters: drinks, 420, and whater happens
A: 28
S: “m4w, mm4ww, mm4w – mm4ww”
L: “Hotel Rt 1 Alexandria”
First Impression: Double date . . . and then some. ” 2 guys Celebrating a birthday Looking 2 celebrate,” they write. “and then some.”
Personality Quirks: Date rape is in the details.”Drinks, smoke and whatever happens happens. “
Heart to Heart: High-maintenance hookups need not apply.”Both attractive, both down to earth. No pressure, no drama, just fun.”
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Misc. Romance: Behold! The Amazing Lickalottapuss (Cunnilingus Maximus)
A: Unreported
S: m4w
L: Alexandria
First Impression: Ugh, gross. “The Lickalottapuss is an unusual species – one that survives and thrives by giving pleasure to women in need. He has been hibernating lately, but has now awakened and seeks new playmates.”
Pet Names: What … on Earth possessed you to post the following: “The Lickalottapuss is a natural-born giver that does not require anything in exchange for its ministrations. Your satisfaction is all the Lickalottapus needs, and his talents ensure that the Lickalottapuss always gets what he needs.”
Heart to Heart: Oh, seriously, yuck. “The Lickalottapuss prefers to eat in the warmth of a thick jungle, but rampant deforestation efforts have forced the Lickalottapuss to adapt to all terrain. But a woman with a heavily forested jungle would be wise to inform the Lickalottapuss that she is in possession of such a location for his temporary home.”
Photo by Darrow Montgomery