Meet Aaron P. Taylor. He recently moved to Washington, D.C., and he totally understands what you’re going through—-particularly if you are a rapist! (Ladies, he’s single).

Last week, after returning from a disappointing dancing session in da club, where Taylor learned some harsh lessons about love, loss, and getting totally shut down by a hot girl, Taylor had a lot to think about. So he sat down at his computer and carefully compiled his thoughts in an entry on his blog, “UnCommoN SENSE with Aaron P. Taylor.” The entry, “Advice 4 Women: How to NOT Get a ‘Deserved Raping,'” was a quick primer on how girls might avoid doing things that would lead them to be responsible for their own rapes (the riddle of undeserved rapes yet to be deciphered by Aaron P. Taylor).

Women who do not want to get raped should never “dance with a guy over and over again,” nor grind “her ass on [Aaron P. Taylor’s] penis not once, twice, or three times, but several, SEVERAL times.” Nor should she, hypothetically, “go on a date wearing a top that shows just about everything but her nipples, then have a 30-minute conversation with a guy about how voluptuous and sensitive her breasts are, then spend half the night stroking her hand against the outer-lining of said breasts.” Believe Aaron P. Taylor: Women do this all the time.

Now, Aaron P. Taylor did not rape the woman who ground her ass on his penis on that fateful night. Still, he is haunted by the possibility of what might have happened had he been the type of guy who would have raped her:

had I been a less-than-understanding guy (i.e., a forceful-type of guy who always “gets what he wants by any means necessary”), I could have just as easily forced a kiss on her, or worse— -waited until after the club let out to follow her to her car, then followed her to her house. And, when she got out her car, I could have been right there ready to pounce on her, saying: “I think you owe me something, lady!!

If you are that type of guy, hey, Aaron P. Taylor understands. And if you’re a woman, Aaron P. Taylor understands you, too. Which is why when his initial post drew a barrage of negative comments from the ladies, Aaron P. Taylor was moved to write a second post explaining his position.

Calm down, ladies. Aaron P. Taylor doesn’t just think that “teasing” women bring on their own rapes; he also believes that cancer victims are asking for it and that poor people should expect to be murdered.

“Now, in the same way that not every girl who teases guys for fun is going to get raped, not every person who smokes is going to catch lung cancer,” writes Taylor. “However, there ARE smokers who catch lung cancer, just like there are women who get raped after purposefully teasing guys over and over, and eventually teasing the WRONG guy.”

Aaron P. Taylor continues with a cautionary tale about choosing the right part of Washington, D.C. to settle down in. “had I moved into [a bad] area and got robbed or killed 5 days later . . . [my friends and family] would not have been surprised. Why? Because they would have already known that something like that could happen to me in that part of town. I would have been tempting fate by deciding to live there, and—while not everyone who lives in that part of town gets killed there—-the fact that there was a high risk for it would have made living there a stupid decision on my part.”

Taylor goes on to write that women who get raped are, themselves, “stupid,” and that he is looking for a smart woman (wink) who is less likely to get repeatedly ravaged by strange men. He caps the blog post with a smiley-face emoticon.