Welcome back to the Manliest Workplace in D.C. Tournament. With the Culture bracket languishing in a statistical dead heat between the Washington Redskins and the Smithsonian Institution, it’s time to turn our attentions to the granddaddy of all granddaddy employers: The Federal Government! (See the full 64-workplace bracket here).
Today, one-seed the Supreme Court takes on the eight-seed U.S. Postal Service. Will a collection of robed-swathed old men fall to a legion of boys in short pants? Let’s find out!
THE SUPREME COURT: This high-talkin’ decidey-branch hashes it out on issues manly (District of Columbia v. Heller) and non (Roe v. Wade). But in the court of Man, will these Justices be served? Let’s go to the line-up:
Chief Justice John G. Roberts (Male, 10 points) Justice John Paul Stevens (Male, 9 points) Justice Antonin Scalia (Male, 8 points) Justice Anthony Kennedy (Male, 7 points) Justice David Souter (Male, 6 points) Justice Clarence Thomas (Male, 5 points) Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg (Female, ZERO) Justice Stephen Breyer (Male, 3 points) Justice Samuel Alito (Male, 2 points) Retired Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (Female, ZERO)
Order in the court! In a striking 8-to-2 decision, the court comes down on the very manly side with a score of 50 on the manly index. Anita who?
U.S. POSTAL SERVICE: They deliver your mail, but do they deliver the male? It’s too easy!
Postmaster General John E. Potter (Male, 10 points) Deputy Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahoe (Male, 9 points) President Robert F. Bernstock (Male, 8 points) CFO Harold Glen Walker (Male, 7 points) Chief HR Officer Anthony Vegliante (Male, 6 points) CIO Ross Philo (Male, 5 points) Senior VP Mary Anne Gibbons (Female, ZERO) Senior VP Linda Kingsley (Female, ZERO) Senior VP Stephen M. Kearney (Male, 2 points) Gov. Relations VP Marie Therese Dominguez (Female, ZERO)
Return to sender! Even with an impressive 47 out of 55 points on the manly index, the U.S. Postal Services falls to the highest court in the land. Duh. Tune in again tomorrow when Bush’s cabinet faces off against the Federal Reserve!