We know D.C. Get our free newsletter to stay in the know.

We’re in the home stretch of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition. In this—-our eighth and final bracket—-D.C.’s advocacy groups compete for utter manliness. (Relive the madness with the full 64-workplace bracket here). Today, the American Conservative Union faces off against Helping Individual Prostitutes Survive (HIPS). Which of these do-gooders will reign supreme (as if you didn’t already know)? Let’s find out!

AMERICAN CONSERVATIVE UNION: The ACU believes that “the Constitution of the United States is the best political charter yet created by men for governing themselves.” But who governs the ACU—-men or women? Let’s find out!

Chairman David A. Keene (Male, 10 points)
Exec. VP Dennis E. Whitfield (Male, 9 points)
1st Vice Chairman Thomas S. Winter (Male, 8 points)
2nd Vice Chairman Donald J. Devine (Male, 7 points)
Secretary Jameson Campaigne Jr. (Male, 6 points)
Finance Director Tish Leonard (Female, ZERO)
Administrative Dir. Diana Carr (Female, ZERO)
CPAC Director Lisa De Pasquale (Female, ZERO)
Dir. of Gov. Relations Larry Hart (Male, 2 points)
Dir. of Development Heather Madden (Female, ZERO)

And it started out so strong! The second half of the ACU’s top staff is disconcertingly female, but the top five jobs still manage to carry the org. to a respectable manliness score. With 42 points out of a total 55, the American Conservative Union.

HIPS: This local organization—- Helping Individual Prostitutes Survive—-qualifies as a Traditionally Female Workplace under the Sexist‘s affirmative action clause, and so receives the benefit of a 10-point boost to its manly score. Will that extra push be enough for HIPS to compete with America’s unified conservatives? To the org chart!

Executive Dir. Cyndee Clay (Female, ZERO)
Dir. of Programs Elizabeth Saracco (Female, ZERO)
Client Advocate G.G. Thomas (Female, ZERO)
Outreach Manager Jeff Chubb (Male, 7 points)

. . . Okay, okay, come on. Hold on right there. Even if the remainder of the HIPS staff was 100% male, they still wouldn’t be able to catch up to the ACU’s 42 point lead—-even with the 10-point traditionally female bonus. Affirmative action be damned—-male conservatism has won out again! Tomorrow, stay tuned as the American Life League takes on the American Defense Fund!

Photo by rjackb.