Well, folks, it’s been a long, hard trudge up Man Mountain in this, the first-ever Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition. Mannishness was shunned! Femininity was ignored! And now,we’ve finally whittled our 64-workplace bracket down to eight crowned Captains of Industry who are proud to call themselves Men. Behold, the Emasculating Eight!
MEDIA: The Washington Times (52 points) CULTURE: Washington Redskins, the Smithsonian (TIE, 38 points) FEDERAL GOVERNMENT: The Senate (PERFECTION) LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Fenty’s Cabinet (47 points) LEGAL: Jones Day(88 percent manliness, or 48 points) UNION: United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers, International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, International Brotherhood of Teamsters (A TRIUMVIRATE OF TIED PERFECT SCORES) ACADEMIA: Georgetown University (54 points)ADVOCACY: Citizens United (PERFECTION)
For those filling out their brackets at home, those stats leave us with a final Fleshy Four of conservative moonie news source The Washington Times, obscure U.S. representative body the Senate, a whole bunch of unionized dudes, and bald eagle / Ronald Reagan advocacy group Citizens United. Who shall be victor (hint: not the Times!)? That depends on how each Fleshy Four candidate performs in the Sexist‘s Manly FEATS OF STRENGTH (arbitrary decidey-things)!
On Monday, I’ll announce the tie-breakers between our five perfectly manly workplaces, and reveal the winner of our stay-at-home bracket-fill-out contest!