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Speaking of throwbacks, a little birdie told me that yesterday, The Television replayed the crown prince of last year’s arbitrary holiday mash-up extravaganzas: Seal on Ice. Seal on Ice is exactly what it sounds like it is:

Seal, kisser of roses, husband to Klum, muse to Batman, forever + ice skating greats including Kristi Yamaguchi and Brian Boitano = Seal on Ice.

I was in attendance at the live performance of this grand experiment, which took place in the estimable Verizon Center in December of 2007. Alas, I have now twice been able to capture the spectacle on television—-I missed it when it was originally played on New Years Day 2008, and it has now again evaded my grasp.

Why, you may be asking yourself, would I wish to view this spectacle remotely, through the impersonal lens of the television set, when the memories of the night I witnessed it all in the flesh are still fresh in my mind? One question and one alone continues to haunt me from my Seal on Ice experience.

During the extravaganza, Seal performed on a stage located to one side of the ice rink as skating greats such as Kristi Yamaguchi and Brian Boitano performed interpretive ice dances to Seal‘s music—-half of the time! The other half of the time, skating greats such as Kristi Yamaguchi and Brian Boitano performed interpretive ice dances to Seal’s music while Seal chilled backstage and the Verizon center blasted out pre-recorded Seal tunes. Seal was there and he was slacking on the Seal on Ice job! Unreal.

What I want to know is this, Seal on Ice T.V. viewers: Did The Television edit Seal on Ice UNFAIRLY and INACCURATELY together to make it APPEAR as if Seal were performing every song interpreted into ice dance? Or did The Television tell the cold, hard truth that only I and several hundred other Seal on Ice attendees know to be the case? Anyone who saw this—-put me out of my misery. Let me know.