Remember when presidential inaugurations inspired hatred, not desperation?

Who’s looking for inauguration week tail romance this week? A round-up!

* When “35 year old white married guy” arrives in D.C. for the historic inauguration, he hopes that the date marks a personal milestone, too. “I am completely inexperienced in this but have wanted to be in various stages of intimacy with a man for a very looooong time,” he writes. “My wife has no idea (obviously) and I just want to have a nice time with some nice guy.” The six-foot, 250-pound male-curious traveler insists that he “would really like NOT to spend [the inauguration] in my hotel room jerking off . . . alone, at least!” He adds that his “dream is to worship some nice muscles.”

* This 36-year-old San Francisco redhead is “attractive,” “smart,” and “fabulous in formal wear.” Add one to the list: Free-loading. “I will be in DC for the inauguration and would love to find a date to an inaugural ball,” she writes. “I don’t have tickets but am looking for someone who does.”

* This 27-year-old “BBW” posts a photo of her feet in red, kitten-toed heels—-then airs her presumptions. “I brought my sexy dress for a ball but . . . i have no tickets . . . no date . . . no nothing!” she writes. “i would love to be your date for any of the histortic events!!!!”

* Into caps-lock? You’ll love this 36-year old woman (posting expired) who “WOULD LIKE TO GO TO THE INAUGURATION BALL ON JAN. 20TH CAN SOMEONE MAKE MY WISH COME TRUE AND TAKE ME? I AM A SEXY WHITE FEMALE.” Your picture gets hers, but take note—-she is “NOT INTO HEAD GAMES SO PLEASE BE REAL AND FUN.”

* What’s this—-a reasonable inauguration-themed personals ad? This 40-year-old Montgomery County woman isn’t fishing for inauguration tickets or access to balls, and says she’d be just fine at “a private party with some hip, liberal thinking people.” The petite, divorced Jewish date-seeker writes that she is “somewhat new to the region, and not as well connected as I would like to be,” and that her dream inauguration date involves skipping the Mall to “watch it on a big screen with some good people!” Somebody, make her dream come true!

Photo of President Bush’s 2005 inauguration by eralon.