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Only days remain to secure a date to the inauguration. Fuck it, hit Craigslist.

* Do you want to see Jay-Z at love tonight? Get ready for some “affection and passion, for the feeling of that first kiss, tingles you feel from a certain touch, soft whispers that excite and move you, and intimate feelings that stir your soul,” because that’s what you might have to endure to win a ticket to the club. “LOOKING FOR A LADY TO ATTEND LOVE NIGHT CLUB AND PARK NIGHT WITH ME THIS WEEKEND TO CELEBRATE THE BRINGING OF OUT NEW PRESIDENT,” writes the poster, who offers up club tickets alongside “discreet affectionate romance, erotic passion, and intense excitement.” The posting is accompanied by an illustration of a single rose dripping in diamonds with a cursive script reading, “Hello.”

* This 32-year-old man-seeking woman poster seeks not a date, but rather an opportunity to gloat. “If I told you what I do for a living, I probably would have to kill you. Just kidding,” he writes. “[A]t times it can get boring. Luckily, it’s not so boring right now and for those of you who otherwise cannot make it to the inauguration or just simply can’t stand the cold—-here is a little picture of me braving the elements as we prepare the inauguration of a new incoming president.”

* This 41-year-old local submits his weekend services as a tour guide. “I am looking for an attractive woman who would enjoy a night or more of nice dinners, great conversation, people watching, maybe some nightlife,” he writes. “I am not looking for sex, prostitutes, or gay men.”

* “How are you tonite?” asks this post, by a man seeking a woman. “[B]raving the cold snap?….about to brave the crush of people for the inauguration?” If you are college-educated, funny, and toned, mayhaps you are just what this North Virginian has been looking for: “Looking for a person with the similar yin (or yang?)” he writes.

* Two twenty-something “bi-racial sexy, fun, intelligent, positive and articulate free-spirits” seek two “cute like-minded guys” for a “fun, obamatastic time.” One is “beautiful and slender”; the other, “beautiful . . . with big boobs.” Inquire within.

Photo by lolololori