Last night, I reported from the swankiest, most exclusive, hippest, Hills-iest, fanciest inaugural ball in all of Adams Morgan that was supposed to cost $125 but to which everyone actually secretly got in for free. Once the wool was pulled from our eyes, and the burning question—-“who would play for this?”—-was finally answered—-“nobody”—-it was time to revel in the absurd glory of all the false hype. Below, more photos from the desperately exclusive Town Tavern party that I still have not confirmed any cast member of MTV’s the “Hills” actually attended, as promised.

Who needs the cast of the “Hills” when you have these famous figures of history and fantasy?

I ate one of these!

This nice lady did not know why dudes under 23 were not allowed in this bar, but she fed me shrimp!

Wolverine loves the camera!

… and this lady!